ONTD Political

Is America Ready for a White, Male Secretary of State?

2:02 pm - 11/11/2012
Is America Ready for a White, Male Secretary of State?

In January, Hillary Clinton will be stepping down as President Obama's Secretary of State, and rumors are already swirling over who will replace her. Among the maybe-candidates are Massachusetts Senator ex-Presidential nominee John Kerry and former Utah Governor, ambassador to China, and too-reasonable-to-survive-the-primary Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman. While Huntsman and Kerry have both demonstrated that they have foreign policy chops, the US hasn't had a white male Secretary of State since 1997. Is America ready?

The Secretary of State job requires both tenacity and restraint, both of which may be difficult for a man's unique chemical constitution. The male hormone testosterone, while responsible for such wondrous miracles as back hair and upper body strength, is also responsible for an increase in male aggression, anger, and even violence. Diplomacy is a difficult enough task without having to temper a man's natural tendency to throw chairs through windows when angered by gridlock.

Further, it's a well-known fact that men's lack of intuition and emotional intelligence has translated into a troubling inability to cry under appropriate circumstances. War, death, and destruction are horrifying realities that Secretaries of State from Madeleine Albright to Condoleezza Rice have had to face, and an insufficient emotional response to tragedy will reflect poorly on our country.
Do we want our allies to think we're a bunch of callous jerks who are totally unmoved by the death of innocents?

Yes, Huntsman has been a career diplomat who has managed to avoid punching foreign leaders in the face out of anger during his work for four different Presidential administrations or inappropriately smiling during serious discussions because he's excited that the Utah Utes football team won. And sure, John Kerry's tenure as the chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee has been remarkably free of in-chamber shootings, but any testosterone-producing, low emotion man is a ticking time bomb. If either Jo(h)n ends up accepting an appointment as Secretar of State, let's hope the Obama administration is smart enough to recommend he always travel with a trusted female chaperone who can help him navigate the volatile male hormonal landscape.

In addition to fluctuating male hormones, a male Secretary of State will undoubtedly be faced with the difficult task of trying to balance work and family. For generations, men have tried to "have it all" — the great career, the perfect family, a hot body, a youthful, buoyant buttocks — but many have hit a "glass propeller" during their quest. I know it's not the "politically correct" question to ask, but it needs to be addressed when making important decisions about men in the workplace: if Jon Huntsman is appointed head of the State Department, can we trust him not to shirk his responsibilities in favor of fulfilling his duties as a father of seven? His youngest daughter, whom Huntsman and his wife adopted from India, is only 6 years old. Who is going to drive her to soccer practice? Who is going to make after school snacks? Can America, with a clean conscience, remove a father from his natural role as hands-on provider and permission slip signer? And Kerry's first grandchild was born earlier this year. Can we trust a doting grandpa to grant the State Department the seriousness it warrants?

The Jo(h)ns' race and gender may also interfere with their ability to relate to many foreign leaders unaccustomed to socializing with men. How are we to advance our relations with South America, for example, when Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff and Argentinian President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner want to go get pedicures at a women-only spa? What happens when Australia's Julia Gillard wants to go shoe shopping and they don't have any cute espadrilles in Huntsman's size? How can we hope to maintain healthy relationships with our European allies when John Kerry can't sit in a sauna with Angela Merkel, Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaitė, and Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, the Prime Minister of Iceland? That's how all of the diplomacy is done over there! In saunas! Being a man means there are female-only spheres that Huntsman and Kerry simply won't be able to penetrate, to the detriment of America.

And the Jo(h)ns' whiteness won't serve them well, either. Depending on which suspect online source you consult, something between 10 and 15% of the world's population is white. And of those white people, only half of them are men. That's some pretty low relatability.

Besides the obvious issues of male physiology, men's natural tendency to be more violent and confrontational, the concern that Huntsman or Kerry will abuse paternity and grandpaternity leave because of family obligations, and a man's inability to socialize with certain female world leaders, other issues should raise serious questions about a man's ability to adequately perform the duties of Secretary of State. Men's reduced life expectancy means that the President may have to retrain a new Secretary of State if either man becomes suddenly afflicted with a number of male-specific diseases. And the fact that men don't tend to carry purses means that if a foreign leader needs somewhere to put their cell phone, neither man will be able to offer aid.

As Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton logged almost a million miles traveling and didn't headbutt anyone or get prostate cancer. Can we trust a man to do the same? Perhaps Obama should consider the country's readiness for a white, male Secretary of State before doing anything rash. Besides, what's wrong with Susan Rice?

--

The source is hilariously full of butthurt men not getting that this is satire and other commenters pointing and laughing at them. >XD
one_hoopy_frood 11th-Nov-2012 05:22 am (UTC)
This is amazing. Especially for Jezebel.
layweed 11th-Nov-2012 05:25 am (UTC)
lmao

srs though, I will be sad to see her go. I don't particularly care for Geithner (beyond the creepy Romulan-esque look) or Holder or Carney, but Hillary? OMFG PLEASE DON'T GOOOOOOOO. :(
maynardsong 11th-Nov-2012 07:32 pm (UTC)
Eh, Holder's done at least one thing I liked - he reduced the sentencing for crack cocaine so that it would be on par with that for powder cocaine. I mean, before he did that, yeah, such a law negatively affected mainly POC, didn't it?
beoweasel 11th-Nov-2012 05:25 am (UTC)
recorded 11th-Nov-2012 10:01 am (UTC)
LOL, GOD DAMN.
anolinde 11th-Nov-2012 05:44 am (UTC)
Aw, she's stepping down? Does this mean she's planning on running for president in 2016? Because I will totally support that.
sakuraberries 11th-Nov-2012 05:49 am (UTC)
That's what I thought of too! I hope that's the case.
seasontoseason 11th-Nov-2012 06:26 am (UTC)
people say she is
belleweather 11th-Nov-2012 05:55 am (UTC)
She's totally stepping down. People thing she'll probably wait until the review board is done with the Benghazi report and then resign. I was pretty sure she wouldn't run, but then I saw her give a speech on work-life balance at the State Department, and she was so careful and political about how she spoke that now I'm starting to wonder.
veracity 11th-Nov-2012 05:59 am (UTC)
I know she said a while back that she wasn't going to run, but man, I hope she does. I don't know if she'd win, but damn if she won't be one hell of a leader. (There's a reason she was my write-in for 2008.)
ennifer_jay 11th-Nov-2012 06:30 am (UTC)
I campaigned for her in 2008 :')
veracity 11th-Nov-2012 07:00 am (UTC)
I have never wanted my state to go blue and feminist in my life than when she ran. I couldn't and didn't care for Obama's policies (and need to say "check the website" when in the middle of a debate). Hillary was a strong woman I knew that had the brains for everything we'd be hammered with.

I was so sad when she didn't win. I actually wrote a paper on the rise of alpha heroines and she was a HUGE part of the paper I wrote because how many busted down doors she left in a wake of damage with no apology.
rkt 11th-Nov-2012 07:27 am (UTC)
meh. i am so glad i plan to still be living in nyc then and can vote for whoever the fck i want. i still haven't forgiven her for that racist red phone ad. and tbqh, i could do without oligarchial rule.
bushy_brow 11th-Nov-2012 09:03 am (UTC)
IAWTC
teacoat 11th-Nov-2012 04:30 pm (UTC)
I must not remember that red phone ad as well as I thought I did. How was it racist?
belleweather 11th-Nov-2012 05:54 am (UTC)
Nit-picking, I know but this: Yes, Huntsman has been a career diplomat who has managed to avoid punching foreign leaders in the face out of anger during his work for four different Presidential administrations is not right. Huntsman has great Foreign Policy cred and has served as an ambassador twice, but he is not and has never been a Diplomat -- aka a US Foreign Service Officer.

Career diplomats basically never become the Secretary of State, though, so it's all good. I'm just peevish tonight.
ragnor144 12th-Nov-2012 04:34 pm (UTC)
This is a distinction that I did not know - thanks. Especially since I am reading Argo, so this is relevant to my interests.
moonshaz 11th-Nov-2012 06:04 am (UTC)
The source is hilariously full of butthurt men not getting that this is satire and other commenters pointing and laughing at them. >XD

OMG, I just can't!
homasse 11th-Nov-2012 06:18 am (UTC)
Oh yes:

1. Is this article a joke? I'm having a hard time stomaching Erin Gloria Ryan's lack of evidence that testosterone is " responsible for an increase in male aggression, anger, and even violence" and that she's worried about being "politically incorrect" here. This isn't a story, it's an opinion piece, without much evidence to support Ryan's claims. The photo accompanying the article reeks like a bad joke about men in dresses. Come on Jezebel, transphobia and gender essentialism are so 20th century.

2. Really? I'm a man and I'm nonviolent, nonagressive, and non-everything else bad about men she seems to think every man has. This is definitely a sexist article

3. I would be curious to see what people's reactions would be if the same article was written but with women in a negative light ("Why no woman can rule America" perhaps?).

We all know that a woman cannot be president of the US, as their large amounts of oestrogen make them notoriously mercurial, not to mention what happens at that time of month.

I leave you with this quote: "If women rule the world there would be no wars - just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other".


And those are just in the top ten displayed comments.

I am in love with the person who replied to butthurt #1 with In a related story, Irish babies are delicious! and with the person who responded to Butthurt #3 with this gif:



Edited at 2012-11-11 06:21 am (UTC)
seasontoseason 11th-Nov-2012 06:28 am (UTC)
hahhaa oh god awesome
recorded 11th-Nov-2012 10:02 am (UTC)
omg that gif, i have laughteaaaars.
vanishingbee 11th-Nov-2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
stealing that gif for great justic
poetic_pixie_13 11th-Nov-2012 04:05 pm (UTC)
That giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif
365reasonswhy 11th-Nov-2012 08:13 pm (UTC)
omg LOL @ LAL!
homasse 12th-Nov-2012 02:03 am (UTC)
It's Data's "Oh, bless your heart; you tried" smile that kills me.
ennifer_jay 11th-Nov-2012 06:30 am (UTC)
WAIT IS HILARY REALLY STEPPING DOWN?


T________T
mdemvizi 11th-Nov-2012 08:57 am (UTC)
I thought it has been news for awhile that she is not continuing on for Obama's second term. I would love to see her run in 2016. Please do it Hillary.
mindrtist Reagan territory11th-Nov-2012 12:27 pm (UTC)
Of course I'm not suggesting Hillary would be ill, however.... these are the numbers... and she will have to go thru a grueling Primary season probly.

Reagan's term started one month short of his 70th birthday, ended one month short of his 78th birthday.



HRC born 10/26/1947 -- currently freeloading as she is a senior citizen of 65 ;)

Campaign 2014-2016: Age 67-69
Election: Age 69
Inaugurated: Age 69

Campaign 2018-2020: Age 71-73
Election: Age 73
Inaugurated: Age 73

End Term: Age 77


I hope my math is right, it is 4am.



I was so bored last week, I made a post about the youngest Presidents and the one oldest.

All that being said, I don't know how Geithner held onto his job for so long. Holder is far far away from being the bad-ass we need with all this criminal money laundering shit, insider trading, etc. Yay for Kerry!
mindrtist Re: Reagan territory11th-Nov-2012 12:29 pm (UTC)
oops, sorry about the bad .html
wrestlingdog 11th-Nov-2012 02:11 pm (UTC)
Photobucket

Photobucket
poetic_pixie_13 11th-Nov-2012 04:14 pm (UTC)


(I just wanted to use this macro, tbqh.)

This article is pure gold. Warms the cockles of my shrivelled, misandrist heart. Well, that, and the thought of Hillary, the first woman President, being elected right after two terms of the first black President.
sio 11th-Nov-2012 08:14 pm (UTC)
Well, that, and the thought of Hillary, the first woman President, being elected right after two terms of the first black President.

XD



[edited to upload a resized version--original was waaaaaaay too big!]

Edited at 2012-11-11 08:16 pm (UTC)
moonbladem 11th-Nov-2012 08:21 pm (UTC)
OMG this is awesome in its perfection!
makemerun 11th-Nov-2012 05:22 pm (UTC)
Photobucket
cyranothe2nd 11th-Nov-2012 05:25 pm (UTC)
lol, the comments at the source!

This is definitely a sexist article

Looks like someone doesn't know what sexism is!

I would be curious to see what people's reactions would be if the same article was written but with women in a negative light ("Why no woman can rule America" perhaps?).

What, you mean like the right does ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

sweet, sweet sexism. If you wouldn't like to see it used against your sex, why would this be fair game?

Oh look, another person who doesn't know what sexism is.

Jezebel's insane double standards strike again #luckytobeapartofthegawkerfamily

Wow, you're dumb.
myrrhmade 11th-Nov-2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
Photobucket
snarksnarklaugh 12th-Nov-2012 08:00 am (UTC)
I lol'd.
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