WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities on Monday and resign from office, effective immediately.
“By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”
While many in the media have blamed Beyoncé for the lip-synching controversy, Mr. Paul said, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”
Mr. Paul said that the White House’s refusal to comment on the Beyoncé crisis “only serves the argument that this President has something to hide.”
“If Beyoncé lip-synched the national anthem, how do we know President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office?” he said. “If that’s the case, he’s not legally President. But just to be on the safe side, he should resign anyway.”
Mr. Paul also blasted Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her testimony on Benghazi before the Senate today: “Her tactic of answering each and every question we asked her didn’t fool anyone.”
source
put the correct tags this time mods
ACTUALLY stopped reading after "Rand Paul".
Rand Paul, you will never stop being a moron.
... is this real life?
Oh my fuck this is real.
Planetary Ejection Program initiated...
-looks at the source-
You mean this isn't from the Onion? I...Wat
Edited at 2013-01-24 07:57 pm (UTC)
There is a lot of anger at Beyonce lip-synching (a perfectly appropriate tactic in an outdoor event) and I was not surprised, just kind of "oh really now" about it.
Edited at 2013-01-24 08:03 pm (UTC)
Which...sort of makes funnier. I guess.
Sadly had to do this because of Rand "I fucking hate this guy" Paul. Putz.
edited to get the Putz's name right
Edited at 2013-01-25 05:02 am (UTC)