ONTD Political

The poor spend all the money. Isn’t it obvious?

5:40 pm - 03/29/2013
In a couple of weeks, the economy will be put right.

Because at last cuts such as the “bedroom tax” and universal tax credit come in, so we’ll finally get some money back off the richest people in this country – the poor. Any glance at our society makes it obvious who’s run up all the debts; the poor, that’s who, swanning around in charity shop cardigans and galavanting on shopping expeditions like the women in Sex and the City, squealing “Hey let’s go to Poundland and buy a dishcloth”, in ways the rich can barely dream of.

The rich have to pay for the poor’s avarice, with many currency speculators at Price Waterhouse having to take on extra work to make ends meet. They’ve barely finished destabilising the yen when they take two buses to a cleaning job, polishing a bedsit in Tower Hamlets. Many CEOs find their salary runs out and live on cat food until their bonus arrives, and 40 per cent of the board at the Royal Bank of Scotland are now on the game.

This is mainstream economics, that the poor are richer than the rich. Modern politicians must see a film on Comic Relief about starving children in Somalia and cry: “What a tragedy. Is it any wonder Africa’s in a pickle while the extravagant pigs flaunt their mosquitoes like that?” Then they call the number on the screen and pledge to help out the village by shutting down their well.

It’s an imaginative approach, because less qualified types might imagine the banking crisis may have been caused, in some part, by bankers. But it takes a trained mind to understand that the people who robbed us are the poor. If a government minister stormed into a bank in the middle of an armed robbery, he’d yell: “There are the robbers; those bastards lying on the floor tied up and snivelling that they don’t want to die. And someone help out this man, the poor chap’s trying to carry a sack AND a sawn-off shotgun, he’ll pull a muscle.”

It’s a tricky argument to pull off, that the poor caused the debt so they should pay it back. Maybe that’s why most weeks there are stories in certain newspapers about a woman with 45 kids on benefits, who then bought a giraffe and now that’s on benefits but she said it was cramped so the council has put it up in the Shard, and two of the kids have got Compulsive Potting Disorder so they’ve been given a snooker table but she couldn’t be referee because she’s allergic to white gloves so the mayor has to do it, otherwise he’d be put in jail by Europe.

Then they quietly drop the story when it emerges that the reporter missed out the detail that although it did happen, it was in a dream he had while suffering from food poisoning.

So it’s replaced with an article about a man on invalidity benefit who turned out to be secretly competing in triathlon tournaments in his loft, and there’s a woman who hasn’t worked since 1975 who receives so much in housing benefit that she pays Martin Amis to fill in her claim forms for more money. And they’ll print an extract that starts: “You ask why I have attended no job interview in 38 years and I can only weep the tears of a fallen angel, reach to the constellations and ask that you, dear assessor, replete in your cruddy crude crudeness, be spared the dodgy knee I’ve had all that time. Time. Whatever, whenever, whoever my succulent sobriquet, that may be. Oh, and I need a new fridge.”

Iain Duncan Smith will raise the case in parliament, until it turns out it was made up on a website called “People On Benefits Are Aliens From Jupiter – FACT!!!” and it is never mentioned again.

Then they turn to immigrants, and this time all politicians agree we can’t carry on as we are, paying all these benefits to them because we’re about to run out of everything. If he was to glance at his own department’s figures, Duncan Smith would see that 6.6 per cent of immigrants claim benefits, compared with 16.6 per cent of non-immigrants. Which goes to show that he doesn’t have time to look at figures because he’s a very busy man given that he’s working, and anyone who receives benefits who quotes a statistic correctly should have their money cut since they’ve been arsing about looking at numbers when they should be trying to get work.

At least they’re attacking the poor, though, who caused the mess in the first place. Because the banking system, as we know, was ruined by the residents of a tower block in Toxteth. In league with a woman from Sunderland on invalidity benefit with chronic back pain, they lent vast sums to international investors at the bottom of a stairwell by the bins, with not a thought for the damage caused to the global financial system. So now they’re being turfed out of their house for having a spare room for their kids. That’ll teach them.

Source
ferriludant 29th-Mar-2013 06:39 pm (UTC)
Brilliant, funny and true on this side of the Atlantic too.
the_physicist 29th-Mar-2013 07:00 pm (UTC)
your government is also introducing a bedroom tax? XD

but yeah, the media just love to write about 'welfare queens' whenever cuts are on the agenda, just to make people try and believe they are necessary.
kittenmommy 29th-Mar-2013 07:08 pm (UTC)

What's that, a tax on extra bedrooms?
the_physicist 29th-Mar-2013 07:13 pm (UTC)
well, we call it the bedroom tax, but what it is in reality is that anyone on housing benefits who has more bedrooms that the government has deemed necessary lose 25% of their housing benefit payments.

this policy applies to the whole of the UK, even though it is primarily London that has a problem, for instance. not that i think the problem is actually created by housing benefit claimants rather than a lack of council housing being built or such like, nooooo... >_>
kittenmommy 29th-Mar-2013 07:15 pm (UTC)

But... why? I don't even understand the logic behind that. Is that because there really is none, or am I missing something obvious?
furrygreen 30th-Mar-2013 04:49 am (UTC)
Don't give them ideas. D:
the_physicist 30th-Mar-2013 10:30 am (UTC)
well, although the idea of making poor people live in smaller flats or lose housing benefits is right up the Republican's street, the bedroom tax does only apply to council tenants, and i don't know that the US government is most people's actual landlord?
wikilobbying 29th-Mar-2013 07:03 pm (UTC)
dang, that's a lot of snark. fits in perfectly around here.
kittenmommy 29th-Mar-2013 07:09 pm (UTC)

Right? This was my favorite part:

Maybe that’s why most weeks there are stories in certain newspapers about a woman with 45 kids on benefits, who then bought a giraffe and now that’s on benefits but she said it was cramped so the council has put it up in the Shard, and two of the kids have got Compulsive Potting Disorder so they’ve been given a snooker table but she couldn’t be referee because she’s allergic to white gloves so the mayor has to do it, otherwise he’d be put in jail by Europe.

Then they quietly drop the story when it emerges that the reporter missed out the detail that although it did happen, it was in a dream he had while suffering from food poisoning.
tabaqui 29th-Mar-2013 07:17 pm (UTC)
So, hatin' on the poor and terminal asshattery on *both* sides of the pond, then.

This is awesome in it's snarky perfection, and so very true.
crossfire 29th-Mar-2013 07:52 pm (UTC)
I love good British snark. This is awesome.
darth_eldritch 29th-Mar-2013 07:56 pm (UTC)
There needs to be a special place in hell/special form of instant karma for those who obsess over the poor and OMG how much they cost the taxpayer.
ferriludant 29th-Mar-2013 08:39 pm (UTC)
Nope. But we still forbid gays/etc from taking advantage of the tax breaks of marriage.  Kinda like a bedroom tax.</p>

Also, most of our austerity measures and cuts end up reducing services to our most vulnerable citizens.

the_physicist 29th-Mar-2013 09:20 pm (UTC)
can't quite recall any austerity measure that actually target city bankers primarily off the top of my head to be quite honest.
ferriludant 29th-Mar-2013 10:56 pm (UTC)
huh? my point is that they (like your bedroom tax) target the poor and weak.
the_physicist 29th-Mar-2013 11:54 pm (UTC)
i realised that, sorry, i was being sarcastic. as in, yeah, all austerity targets the poor, when it should target the bankers that caused the crisis... funnily enough no austerity measures in the world brought about by this financial crisis seem to target the bankers much (if at all) though.
ghost_busting 30th-Mar-2013 12:34 am (UTC)
Amazing.

I love Mark Steel. He made a speech at my uni a couple of months ago in support of the occupation here and it was hilarious and perfect. In fact, here you go:
http://youtu.be/yLAQHg5jUIw
ruby_chalice 30th-Mar-2013 01:10 am (UTC)
For the last few years the tories and the media have colluded in waging a war against those who need support from the welfare system. Personally I've found the propaganda really destructive. And the public have fallen for this shit hook, line and fucking sinker ... as is evident from the astonishing increase in hate crimes against the disabled.

But now the austerity measures are coming into effect, the public [and the media] are beginning to wake up. The tories 'fuck the poor' campaign is looking pretty ugly. But it's too little too late. Bedroom tax, universal credit, food vouchers, atos ... they're here to stay. The social housing system will collapse because people won't be able to pay the shortfall in their housing benefit. Where will councils and housing associations get the finance to fund this shortfall? Not from the government that's for sure. So they will have no choice but to make tenants homeless or run the risk of bankrupting the housing system.

The tories have stitched up the poor. With many people's blessing. Long live the elite.

I start paying the bedroom tax this month. I feel a sense of relief to finally be paying back into the economy from my embarrassment of riches.
kittenmommy 30th-Mar-2013 02:36 am (UTC)

On a related note, check out this fuckery.

I seriously can't even.
moonshaz 30th-Mar-2013 03:45 am (UTC)
OMFG. I can't believe I just read all that. People like that are why I spend most of my online time huddling in safe places like ONTD_P.

The worst part? Cannot unsee. Need brain bleach, asap.
kittenmommy 30th-Mar-2013 03:49 am (UTC)

Right?? I can't even.
dangomango 24th-Apr-2013 08:41 pm (UTC)
That made me want to SCREAM UNTIL I DIED. Especially since at least ONE of those members writes m/m slash, but is part of a group that has no problem denying rights to gay people. So you can get off on guys fucking each other, but in real life you deny them BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. I ran into a different fan like that on tumblr recently, and I've already been souring on "fandom" for quite a while now, but man, it just makes me want to never live on this planet ever again. I wish I could just exile those people from humanity. But honestly, I'd rather exile myself, because I want to no part of what those people consider humanity.
kittenmommy 24th-Apr-2013 08:44 pm (UTC)

That made me want to SCREAM UNTIL I DIED.

Or until someone else dies. Yes, I know the feeling.

Especially since at least ONE of those members writes m/m slash, but is part of a group that has no problem denying rights to gay people. So you can get off on guys fucking each other, but in real life you deny them BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

Well, isn't that lovely! Gay men exist to be her sexy, sexy fuckpuppets, and nothing more!
dangomango 24th-Apr-2013 08:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, there was a kerfuffle with the tumblr fan who writes m/m slash while supporting USA conservative politicos, and the general consensus was that "politics isn't EVERYTHING". Like, exactly the kind of fucking attitude a white, rich, privileged girl* who has NEVER HAD ANYONE VOTE ON HER BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS would have. But thank god fandom lived another day without having to open their tiny little skulls to anything besides fictional white boys kissing!!!.


*OF COURSE SHE WAS

kittenmommy 24th-Apr-2013 08:59 pm (UTC)

Ugh. What an immature little brat!
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