ONTD Political

Florida's Bestiality Law May Have Accidentally Outlawed Sex Entirely

"There may be some terrible news to report out of Florida today, depending on how the state's residents have collectively decided to apply the basic science of biological classification to their lives. Last week, we noted some good news: The Florida legislature had finally passed a law that would outlaw bestiality and preserve the innocence of Florida's native fauna.

At the time, I posited that only shiny-pated grifter-Governor Rick Scott could possibly foul up the effort. But over at Southern Fried Science, blogger "Andrew" points out that the law's wording has basically outlawed sex entirely:

An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.

Click here for a handy visual provided by Southern Fried Science that elucidates the fact that human beings are smack dab in the middle of the animal kingdom -- by which he means the "group of multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia" and not the horse that won the 2011 Kentucky Derby (being "smack dab in "the middle" of a thoroughbred horse is a situation the law originally intended to prevent).

Andrew ends with a quip:

So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices."

(As it happens, I already check with my veterinarian and local livestock breeder prior to intercourse, but my therapist tells me that this is a "fetish" that he'd like me to consider discontinuing.)"

Source: The Huffington

Well look at that- my first post here. Clearly someone forgot that humans are also mammals, and therefore animals as well.
perthro 12th-May-2011 02:03 pm (UTC)
Do you think it'll get better when Christians exempt themselves from science class? Oy.
eversofar 12th-May-2011 02:45 am (UTC)
i fully expect nothing less from the florida legislature.
popehippo 12th-May-2011 02:46 am (UTC)
purple01_prose 12th-May-2011 04:54 pm (UTC)
pullmystrings 12th-May-2011 02:46 am (UTC)
evilgmbethy 12th-May-2011 05:36 am (UTC)
Blair ♥
poetic_pixie_13 12th-May-2011 02:54 am (UTC)
All the nuts roll downhill to Florida.
byandby 12th-May-2011 02:55 am (UTC)
I won't lie. After a couple of drinks, this is hysterical.
nyychick23513 12th-May-2011 03:00 am (UTC)
Ugh, my state. *facepalm*
salienne 12th-May-2011 04:39 am (UTC)

unequivocally 12th-May-2011 03:51 pm (UTC)

Looks like I got out just in the knick of time... >.> Hello, Baltimore.
apis_cerana 12th-May-2011 03:09 am (UTC)
BRB linking this to my sexually active friends in Florida
I wonder if they will need to go into hiding :(
starsinshapes 12th-May-2011 03:10 am (UTC)
Was there some major incidents in Florida where this law needed to be made in the first place?

Florida: What are you doing? What what what are you doing?
whatisurdamage 12th-May-2011 04:48 am (UTC)
lol that's what i was thinking... are they have a bestiality epidemic they need to stop?
romp 12th-May-2011 05:26 am (UTC)
LOL oh Florida!
maladaptive 12th-May-2011 01:00 pm (UTC)
It was one of the only states without a bestiality statute.
iweep4u 12th-May-2011 03:10 am (UTC)
Good one, Florida. Well done.
sauron 12th-May-2011 03:12 am (UTC)
*pretends she doesn't live here*
poisoncity 12th-May-2011 03:13 am (UTC)
Oh, state. I can't even pretend to be surprised.
mswyrr 12th-May-2011 03:25 am (UTC)
There should be an entrance exam for people seeking jobs as representatives in government, Y/N?
masakochan 12th-May-2011 03:29 am (UTC)
I'd say a question of having general intelligence/ or 'do you actually have common sense or any amount of human decency' should be asked- but then a good portion already working would have to quit.
homasse 12th-May-2011 03:38 am (UTC)
And this, folks, is what happens when you take science out of the schools.
3bird 12th-May-2011 03:44 am (UTC)
romp 12th-May-2011 05:28 am (UTC)
ha! indeed
simplysly 12th-May-2011 03:48 am (UTC)
As someone who was born and raised in Florida, I am not surprised. There is definitely a reason that Fark has a Florida tag.
kyra_neko_rei 12th-May-2011 04:32 am (UTC)
Re: your icon, I gotta ask, who with?

*takes five-minute break to glee over the possibilities*
imagines 12th-May-2011 05:32 am (UTC)
That depends. Would you prefer masturbation, incest, or hatesex? :D
kyra_neko_rei 12th-May-2011 06:08 pm (UTC)
beckielric 12th-May-2011 04:15 am (UTC)
awkward_story 12th-May-2011 04:21 am (UTC)
:I Meanwhile.
kyra_neko_rei 12th-May-2011 04:33 am (UTC)
othellia 12th-May-2011 04:45 am (UTC)
Oh Florida. When I finally finish college and get to move back west, I will not miss you.
evilgmbethy 12th-May-2011 05:40 am (UTC)
I grew up in Florida and let me tell you, moving west was the best thing I ever did with my life. It's like a wondrous world outside of Florida, one without so much sweat and bugs and stupidity.
vanillakokakola 12th-May-2011 06:55 pm (UTC)
University of Florida is one of my first choices for grad school ;_;
sesmo 12th-May-2011 04:53 am (UTC)
This is funny. But just to be clear, in reality a court would take a look at the language, and the differentiation between "persons" and "animals" within the law itself, and interpret the term "animal" as "non-human animal."

But yes, it's funny.
ladylothwen 12th-May-2011 05:11 am (UTC)
I expect nothing less from my state. NOTHING LESS.
astridmyrna 12th-May-2011 05:58 am (UTC)
dreammeanyway 12th-May-2011 06:17 am (UTC)
The statute makes the distinction of 'human animals'. Sorry. http://electionlawblog.org/archives/019463.html
kidantarctica 12th-May-2011 09:57 am (UTC)
Came here to see if this link had been posted. Was not disappointed.
maladaptive 12th-May-2011 01:02 pm (UTC)
Bahaha. Thank you. Seeing this all over the internet was bugging the hell outta me.
masakochan 12th-May-2011 03:44 pm (UTC)
Ah, now that I did not know. I mean I least they'd have to make a distinction between the two if they were using the word 'animal'.
dixiedolphin 12th-May-2011 02:43 pm (UTC)
This is why I keep this icon around.
mysticlady3 12th-May-2011 04:39 pm (UTC)
I want to get out of this state so badly.
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