ONTD Political

Alan Grayson hands out the sick burns

8:18 pm - 11/22/2011


A few weeks ago, the Florida Democratic Party invited Alan Grayson to be the keynote speaker at the first meeting of the Democratic Progressive Caucus of Florida. At 8 a.m., it was standing-room-only, as hundreds of people tried to squeeze into the event.

Alan spoke for almost half an hour, without any notes. Our campaign didn’t record it, but some brave soul in the audience did, and then posted segments of it on YouTube. So we can offer you Twenty Minutes of Grayson, in pieces, starting here.

Alan began by talking about the Republican presidential candidates. Here is some of what he said:

Sarah Palin: “I was disappointed that Sarah Palin was not running. But I understood why. She realized that she could not fit the Oath of Office on her palm.”

Mitt Romney: “There’s somebody who spends all day trying to figure out whether he should flip or flop.”

Herman Cain: “I hope he gets the nomination because clearly, if both parties nominate African-Americans, every racist in this country will have to commit suicide. . . . What is his business genius? That he paid people $8 an hour to deliver $15 pizzas.”

Rick Perry: “Rick Perry tried to pick a fist fight with Ron Paul on national TV. A 76-year-old man. He doesn’t want to just cut Social Security. He wants to beat up everyone on Social Security.”

Newt Gingrich: “Somebody said to me recently, ‘I actually listened to Newt Gingrich, and he sounded really crazy to me.’ I said, ‘Look, Newt Gingrich has been listening to Newt Gingrich for 68 years. If you listened to Newt Gingrich for 68 years, wouldn’t you be crazy?’”

Ron Paul: “I’m going to disregard Ron Paul, because everyone else does.”

Michele Bachmann: “I’m not going to say anything about her, because we actually have an agreement between ourselves. The agreement is that if I don’t tell the truth about her, she won’t lie about me.”

What They Have in Common: “Their favorite TV show is ‘Father Knows Best.’ . . . And to show how ‘groovy’ and ‘with it’ they are, their favorite song is Jefferson Airplane’s ‘Don’t You Need Somebody to Hate.’”

And this: “Last time, the [Republican] nominee was named McCain. Now the person who is leading in their race is named Cain. You have to consider the possibility that it’s because of the name.

“You have to consider that possibility. It might just be the name.

“And what is that story? I mean, think about it. Why would they be so attracted to somebody named Cain? As I recall the story, he killed his brother with the jawbone of a donkey, which probably meant he wanted to blame it on the Democrats.

“And then when God said, ‘Where’s your brother?’, Cain said, ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ As if he had no idea.

“And that is actually the fundamental question that separates us from them, right? Am I my brother’s keeper? Our answer is, ‘Yes, we are.’ We are.”


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The above is an e-mail sent to Alan Grayson supporters. It is not online, but this is the site that sent it. And the true source is the video.
hey_kayla_jay 23rd-Nov-2011 05:17 am (UTC)
I got the strangest crush on this man after I saw him on Bill Maher's show. I will not lie.
hammersxstrings 23rd-Nov-2011 05:36 am (UTC)
I was disappointed that Sarah Palin was not running. But I understood why. She realized that she could not fit the Oath of Office on her palm



all the other ones are AMAZING as well. someone should go into stand up comedy lol
jwaneeta 23rd-Nov-2011 05:37 am (UTC)
Alan</i> Grayson

Photobucket
poetic_pixie_13 23rd-Nov-2011 01:34 pm (UTC)
Yes. The Robin with the best ass and my personal favourite.
poetic_pixie_13 23rd-Nov-2011 08:35 pm (UTC)
Since I generally fangirl all your comments, I'd like to take this opportunity to formally request that I friend you.
eyetosky 23rd-Nov-2011 02:11 pm (UTC)
Cosigned
snapesgirl34 23rd-Nov-2011 03:00 pm (UTC)
YES.
kitschaster 23rd-Nov-2011 05:40 am (UTC)
Wow. The Comedy Central Roast of the GOP, hosted by Alan Grayson. Except the jokes are funnier, and make sense. And by funnier, I mean actually funny.

Can I just fucking vote for him, now?

Edited at 2011-11-23 06:03 am (UTC)
be_themoon 23rd-Nov-2011 05:56 am (UTC)
Man, I want to love him because of this and other stuff, but after he called someone a K-Street whore I have a little bit of trouble getting behind him.
kitschaster 23rd-Nov-2011 06:04 am (UTC)
Awwwww! *sighs* Fuck. Shame on you, Grayson. Wtf was he thinking with that?
be_themoon 23rd-Nov-2011 06:16 am (UTC)
I know. I love a lot of other stuff he does! but that one thing just left a bad taste in my mouth and I haven't been able to get rid of it since.
romp 23rd-Nov-2011 06:11 am (UTC)
“And that is actually the fundamental question that separates us from them, right? Am I my brother’s keeper? Our answer is, ‘Yes, we are.’ We are.”

*nods*

(deleted and reposted due to HTML fail)
theartistprince 23rd-Nov-2011 06:15 am (UTC)
oh shit

throw that shade, bb.
wrestlingdog 23rd-Nov-2011 10:01 am (UTC)
Photobucket
bitchsdangerous 23rd-Nov-2011 10:50 am (UTC)
I adore this man
dearmisterecho 23rd-Nov-2011 11:54 am (UTC)
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN
jiaren_shadow 23rd-Nov-2011 01:26 pm (UTC)
...I think I'm in love.
poetic_pixie_13 23rd-Nov-2011 01:35 pm (UTC)
“And that is actually the fundamental question that separates us from them, right? Am I my brother’s keeper? Our answer is, ‘Yes, we are.’ We are.”

Unf.
snapesgirl34 23rd-Nov-2011 03:05 pm (UTC)
Photobucket
kitanabychoice 23rd-Nov-2011 03:08 pm (UTC)
...can't stop watching this gif! O_O
kitanabychoice 23rd-Nov-2011 03:07 pm (UTC)
ayarane 23rd-Nov-2011 05:37 pm (UTC)
I hope that Jedi Master Grayson not only gets his old Congress seat back, but that he runs for President in 2016. >:D

Yes, you know you want a President Grayson. Don't even try to deny it.
girl_fusion 23rd-Nov-2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
THIS!
jettakd 23rd-Nov-2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Franken/Grayson 2016 anyone?
nikoel 23rd-Nov-2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
Is Huntsman just not funny? Or does everyone except us forget he exists?
ameonna 25th-Nov-2011 04:14 pm (UTC)
Pretty much the latter. Huntsman's main problem among liberals is that he's anti-choice, otherwise we find him so charming and reasonable he's almost dangerous.
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