ONTD Political

We're Sorry We Accidentally Your Marriage

11:07 am - 12/22/2011
Gay community apologizes to Amy Koch for ruining her marriage
The gay and lesbian community of Minnesota has issued a letter of apology to recently resigned Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch for ruining the institution of marriage and causing her to stray from her husband and engage in an "inappropriate relationship."

"On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community's successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage," reads the letter from John Medeiros. "We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry."

The letter comes on the heels of Koch's own apology, released yesterday, in which she expressed her deep regret for "engaging in a relationship with a Senate staffer." Although the letter did not specify the identity of the other participant in the "inappropriate relationship," it is widely rumored to be former communications chief Michael Brodkorb, who lost several positions with the GOP in the wake of the scandal.

Koch, Brodkorb, and their fellow Republicans campaigned this year to put a constitutional amendment on next year's ballot to define marriage as the union between a man and a woman, thus forbidding gay marriage. Sadly, the amendment comes too late to prevent Koch from straying from her own marriage.
An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community's successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an "illicit affair" with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that "gay marriage" is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone's family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN



Sarcastic sauce (which totally going to be the name of my next band).

I don't blame Koch for getting cheap and tawdry with Brodkorb tbh.

This is a little ham-handed, but I think it plays well to the "if you're going to legislate your morality you'd best stick to it yourself" meme.


Edits 1-5: Fixed borked source link. I CAN HAS TYPING NAO.
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farchivist 22nd-Dec-2011 07:22 pm (UTC)
This amuses the living hell out of me.
benihime99 22nd-Dec-2011 07:22 pm (UTC)
Loving it... Maybe too much
benihime99 22nd-Dec-2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
On another note: OP something wrong with the title ^^
mahasin 22nd-Dec-2011 07:24 pm (UTC)
hahahaha, this is awesome.
age_of_green 22nd-Dec-2011 07:31 pm (UTC)
I'm scared that she might actually take this seriously.
dafairyness 22nd-Dec-2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
Ouch.

I feel like this is a teeeeeensy bit much, though quite amusing. But still rejoicing over the fact that nobody will have to hear her awful awful voice on the radio ever again (fingers crossed)
archanglrobriel 22nd-Dec-2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
*snicker* I do so love this letter.
sihaya09 22nd-Dec-2011 07:36 pm (UTC)
Is there a verb missing from your title, OP?
mercystars 22nd-Dec-2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
girly123 22nd-Dec-2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
Coverage of this whole scandal really rubs me the wrong way. I won't start celebrating until her male counterparts doing a lot of the same shit get thrown under the bus just as hard as she has been, to be honest.

That said: lolol, this letter. Told.
teleens_journal 22nd-Dec-2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
This.
riath 22nd-Dec-2011 07:41 pm (UTC)
Lmao, I love it! I don't suppose that she'll get the tongue-in-cheek nature of the letter though.
teleens_journal 22nd-Dec-2011 07:48 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I can see some ignorant pundit on the channel-that-shall-not-be-named taking this as some sort of "acknowledgment" from the BLGTPQ community that the anti-gay movement has been right all along, *headdesk*.

OT - I <3 your icon, :).
jhestia85 22nd-Dec-2011 07:51 pm (UTC)
Bitchslap right there.
poetic_pixie_13 22nd-Dec-2011 07:59 pm (UTC)


This is magical. Queer people are amazing.
chaya 22nd-Dec-2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
*struts*
tiger0range 22nd-Dec-2011 08:12 pm (UTC)
freakin' awesome!
cpsings4him 22nd-Dec-2011 08:13 pm (UTC)
I love me some good sarcasm! :D
ennifer_jay 22nd-Dec-2011 08:49 pm (UTC)
These two are my favorites:

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

and

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that "gay marriage" is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

lulz forever

Edited at 2011-12-22 08:49 pm (UTC)
iamglory 23rd-Dec-2011 12:07 am (UTC)
I wish I could have seen her face.
sephystabbity 22nd-Dec-2011 10:04 pm (UTC)
OH SNAP.
conejita_diabla 22nd-Dec-2011 11:01 pm (UTC)
The source comments are a surprisingly decent read, all things considered...
paulnolan 22nd-Dec-2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Lolol <3
anjak_j 23rd-Dec-2011 01:56 am (UTC)
So. Much. Love.

*LMFAO*
miss_world13 23rd-Dec-2011 02:01 am (UTC)
So awesome :)
kazekageshad 23rd-Dec-2011 02:05 am (UTC)
"It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of 'adultery.'

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that 'gay marriage' is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going."


I literally laughed out loud. Best part of the letter! So much love for Mr. John Medeiros. (!!! Needs more exclamation points to show my glee)
ladypolitik 23rd-Dec-2011 02:17 am (UTC)
Literally delicious; I cant stop licking my fingers, dear god
dearmisterecho 23rd-Dec-2011 02:38 am (UTC)
LULZ
astridmyrna 23rd-Dec-2011 02:51 am (UTC)
This needs to be photocopied and mailed to every single person in office that wants to ban gay marriage so that it's 'sacred' only to turn around and cheat.
eyetosky 23rd-Dec-2011 04:03 am (UTC)
"despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going."

...OUCH.
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