ONTD Political

Five-year-old boy lives as girl in youngest case of Gender Identity Disorder

11:18 pm - 02/20/2012
With his blonde pigtails and purple tutu, Zach Avery, now five, has been living as a girl for more than a year - after he first refused to live as a boy when he turned three.

Little Zach was just three when he began refusing to live as a boy, instead choosing to wear pink dresses and ribbons in his long, blonde hair - because he has Gender Identity Disorder (GID).

And the primary school he attends in Essex has even changed the kids' toilets to gender-neutral Unisex in support of Zach since his official diagnosis last year, aged four.

Zach is one of the youngest in Britain ever to be diagnosed with GID - meaning he feels like he's a girl trapped in a boy's body.

Mum Theresa Avery, 32, said Zach used to be a 'normal' little boy who loved Thomas the Tank Engine, but suddenly at the end of 2010, he decided he wanted to live as a girl.

He became obsessed with the girly kids' TV character Dora the Explorer and started dressing in girls clothing.

Parents Theresa and Darren Avery, 41, became worried by Zach's behaviour and took him to the doctors.

After numerous consultations and observations, he was officially diagnosed by NHS specialists with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), making Zach one of the youngest affected children in the UK.

Mum-of-four Theresa said: "He just turned round to me one day when he was three and said: 'Mummy, I'm a girl'. I assumed he was just going through a phase and just left it at that.

"But then it got serious and he would become upset if anyone referred to him as a boy.

"He used to cry and try to cut off his willy out of frustration."

Concerned Theresa and Darren took him to a specialist at Tavistock and Patman Foundation Trust in London.

At first his parents thought he may be autistic, but after several months a child phycologist diagnosed Zach, affectionately called Zachy, with GID.

The dedicated specialists explained to them that gender identity disorder is a conflict between a person's actual physical gender and the gender that person identifies himself or herself as.

Theresa said: "They told us that although he had a male body, his brain was telling him he was a girl."

And Zach's school - Purfleet Primary in Essex - has even turned their toilet block gender-neutral to support him.

Theresa added: "They have changed the toilets for Key Stage 1 pupils into Unisex instead of male/female and they address him as a girl, which is what he wants.

"When he gets a bit older, to Key Stage 2, then obviously the law changes and there will be more difficulties surrounding the bathroom issue, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - it may be that Zach will use the staff toilets.

"We explained to the other kids at the school that Zachy's body was that of a boy but in his brain he was a girl. We said Zach was just happier being a girl than a boy.

"But the other kids haven't batted an eyelid, they've accepted Zach as Zach and there's been no problems at the school with bullying.

"The school has been brilliant and really, really supportive."

When he goes to school, Zach wears a girl's trouser uniform and black boots with pink trim, which his mother said is female but still neutral.

And mum said that although she misses her little boy, the family is very supportive of Zachy. She said: "He just wants to be like a little girl and he's very happy with his long blonde hair, pink and red bedroom and a wardrobe full of girls clothes.

"He likes playing with his sister's old toys but he still loves Dr Who too and playing with his brother. And we still put some neutral clothes in his wardrobe if he ever decides he wants to wear them.

"We leave it up to him to decide what he wants to do - if he changes his mind and wants to be a boy again then he does, but if he doesn't, he doesn't.

She admitted: "I would love to have my son back, but I want him to be happy. If this is the route he wants to take - if this is what makes him happy - then so be it. I would rather him have my full support.

"People need to be aware of this condition because it's very common but even many family support workers have never heard of cases in children. There are people out there but they don't want to talk about it."

Figures from the Tavistock and Patman Foundation Trust clinic - the national body for GID - revealed 165 children have been diagnosed with GID this year.

A spokesperson at Tavistock Clinic in London said they were unable to comment on individual case, but only seven children under the age of 5 were diagnosed last year - making Zach one of the youngest.

The spokesperson said: "Tavistock Clinic had 97 referrals in 2009/2010; 139 in 2010/2011 and thus far this year 165 referrals.

"The trend in referrals has been up over the years - this may reflect greater awareness.

"We see children and young people up to the age of 18, from across the UK, who are experiencing difficulties in the development of their gender identity.

"This includes children who are unhappy with their biological sex. Some may be boys who prefer activities and role associated with the opposite sex, some may also identify as the opposite sex and vice versa for girls.

"In general when younger children are referred it is in relation to cross gender preferences in play, play mates and activities. It is more unusual for children of this age to express cross gender identification - that is the wish or belief that they belong to the opposite sex.

"The diagnosis of GID is made by the key workers working with the young person. We will also assess their general wellbeing. We remain in contact with young people often for many years.

"Our aim is not to predict or direct the outcome, but rather to support the young person in their general development as well as develop a trusting collaborative therapeutic relationship in which it is possible to openly explore their feelings about their gender."

There's a poll about gender identity in kids at the source that could really use some progressive voters. I really wouldn't read the comments though.
its_anya 20th-Feb-2012 11:48 pm (UTC)
It says a lot that the article refers to him consistently as 'he', doesn't it?

The poll at source is misleadingly written too... says sex specifically rather than gender. Perhaps it's just because I know the difference, but it seems to imply that wearing a dress when you're 5 is somehow a life changing decision like having realignment surgery or something...
blueboatdreams 20th-Feb-2012 11:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I realized that. I don't think the article was written by someone that knows much about GID or the people affected by it.
kaelstra 21st-Feb-2012 12:07 am (UTC)
Amen on that first tag, constantly calling her "he" when she refuses to live as a male is outright offensive.

Kudos to Zachary though! I wish I were that strong willed when I were younger.
martyfan 21st-Feb-2012 12:09 am (UTC)
"They have changed the toilets for Key Stage 1 pupils into Unisex instead of male/female and they address him as a girl, which is what he wants."

AND YET YOU KEEP CALLING HER A "HE."
qable 21st-Feb-2012 12:09 am (UTC)
"But then it got serious and he would become upset if anyone referred to him as a boy.

Then it might be a good idea to use her correct gender when referring to her. It doesn't take much effort, but it makes a huge difference.
paulnolan 21st-Feb-2012 12:11 am (UTC)
No surprise at the gendering fail in the article considering the source is the fucking Torygraph.

Good for her though! Here's hoping things change for the better by she's grown up. :D
lickety_split 21st-Feb-2012 12:33 am (UTC)
Hopefully by then her mom will stop lamenting about her ~lost son.
eveofrevolution 21st-Feb-2012 12:20 am (UTC)
"He used to cry and try to cut off his willy out of frustration."

And you think this is just a PHASE? Poor child =(

Also I HATE the gender fail in this article. She identifies as a girl, you acknowledge she wants to be referred to as "she," so WHY won't you do it?! EDIT: And upon rereading, I realized that her mother continues to refer to her as "he." Gee, mom, you're doing a great job. *rolls eyes*

GAAAAH

Edited at 2012-02-21 12:23 am (UTC)
ennifer_jay 21st-Feb-2012 12:24 am (UTC)
Read the first like, two paragraphs
No thank you. Nhft flop usage of pronouns, etc.
lickety_split 21st-Feb-2012 12:31 am (UTC)
I would love to have my son back, but I want him to be happy. If this is the route he wants to take - if this is what makes him happy - then so be it. I would rather him have my full support.

Maybe you could start by acknowledging that you have a daughter, and maybe start referring to her as a "she" since that's Zachy wants to be called.

Question on her name: Is it Zach or Zachy? It sounds like she still goes by Zach but considering the source I'm wondering is that ~cute affectionate nickname~ is actually the name she prefers to be called.
bmh4d0k3n 21st-Feb-2012 12:34 am (UTC)
I got as far as the title ...
i_m_b00 21st-Feb-2012 12:36 am (UTC)

I think her parents are amazing. I'm glad she has the parents she has. it will not always be easy for her but she has good advocates in her parents. and, AND she already knows she is loved regardless.
theguindo 21st-Feb-2012 02:37 am (UTC)
I wouldn't exactly call them "amazing" considering her mother still calls her "he" according to everything she's quoted as having said in this article.
angelofdeath275 21st-Feb-2012 12:47 am (UTC)
Mom better realize that she has a daughter and stop with this ~OH WOE MY POOR SON~ thing
citiesburning 21st-Feb-2012 12:52 am (UTC)
kinda OT but, i was in TJMaxx? today, and some woman yelled at her kid, that he picked out a "girl" toy. I was like, oh you.
coryrain 21st-Feb-2012 01:49 am (UTC)
omg this shit pisses me off so much. I babysit a boy who will sit in a frilly tutu while playing Thomas the Tank Engine, who cares? ARRRRRGH RAGE!
narwhalhugs 21st-Feb-2012 01:31 am (UTC)
wtf?

That's definitely not the youngest trans* child.

The article keeps misgendering.

And isn't saying being trans* is a mental disorder offensive to that community?
chaya 21st-Feb-2012 02:56 am (UTC)
GID is a weird subject because while it does frame being trans as having a disorder, there are tonssssssss of places which require you to get a diagnoses of GID to be approved for reassignment surgery, so throwing out GID could mean many states with no way to access that surgery. Obviously the optimal thing would be for this diagnosis and a year's worth of therapy or whatever not being necessary for someone to make a medical decision about their own life.
doverz 21st-Feb-2012 01:41 am (UTC)
You know what would help a lot when your daughter gets upset at being called a he?? If you would actually call her by the pronoun she wants! And if you would stop lamenting about losing your son!
coryrain 21st-Feb-2012 01:53 am (UTC)
I know a lot of people are harping on the mom about her gender fail use of pronouns, but I have to cut her some slack. She spent 5 years with a son and referring to him as a "he" it's going to take time to adjust and learn to use the right pronouns. Now, whoever wrote/edited this article is failing big time.

Also, as a mom, if my daughter came to me and said she wanted to be a boy, I would support her. It would take me time to get used to the idea that I don't have a daughter anymore. Cut the lady some slack, I think she's doing a damn good job at dealing with this transition.
clarice_01 21st-Feb-2012 02:01 am (UTC)
I guess one of the problems I have with the mom is that she was very gender fail to a reporter. I would be watching what I was saying if I knew it was being written down. If this is how she talks about her child to the media, then how does she talk about her daughter when no one is watching?
kira_snugz 21st-Feb-2012 02:15 am (UTC)
good for her! i hope her mom gets with the program.

side eyed at the "he still loves dr who" 1- you mean SHE and 2- DR WHO IS BELOVED BY EVERYONE. its not a gender based fandom, it is full of people who recognize awesome as awesome.
aiffe 21st-Feb-2012 09:22 am (UTC)
SERIOUSLY.

If it's a choice between being a woman and loving Doctor Who, I guess I've been a man for years now.

Also, when I was a kid, I loved Star Trek (it's kind of the American equivalent, and I'm American, so) and people did tell me it was a "boy thing" and that girls like me shouldn't like it. WTF.
hinoema 21st-Feb-2012 05:02 am (UTC)
And pointing out how hard it is on the poor parent, yes.
hinoema 21st-Feb-2012 04:58 am (UTC)
Little Zach was just three when he began refusing to live as a boy, instead choosing to wear pink dresses and ribbons in his long, blonde hair - because he has Gender Identity Disorder (GID).

1. She. Her hair.

2. I wish people would get over 'genderizing' stupid things like clothes and hairstyles. A dress, a color or a hairstyle don't equal a gender. Gender discomfort and choice of wardrobe should have nothing to do with each other.
riath 21st-Feb-2012 08:47 am (UTC)
I'm going to ignore the gendering fail in this article because I just can't with this sort of bullshit anymore. If someone identifies as female, then use the term "she", it's not hard, just one extra letter.

Instead I'm going to give kudos to the school for being totally cool. It also tells me that most kids don't give a shit about someone's gender or sex, that crap is usually instilled in them later by bigoted adults.
aiffe 21st-Feb-2012 09:33 am (UTC)
Given the obvious reporting fail, I am having to wonder if the mother's pronoun use was accurately represented--if she was pressured to misgender her daughter, or just misquoted. Not trying to defend the mom if this was really her usage, the article as a whole is just written with so much fail I don't trust it.

And wow at how she was a "normal boy" because she loved Thomas the Tank Engine. Apparently I was a normal boy too, because I loved the crap out of Thomas when I was her age. But it was the corrupting influence of DORA THE EXPLORER that caused a complete gender reversal, making her live as a girl and insist on being called by female pronouns! Never underestimate the power of Dora!

I wonder why parents and other people never feel embarrassed when a trans person corrects them about their gender usage. Like, "Oh, I'm so sorry I got that wrong, I won't do that again." Whenever I get misgendered by mistake, people always blush and fall all over themselves trying to correct it--even though I'm actually not bothered at all, and wouldn't care if they didn't make such a fuss. Imagine that, but getting your own child's gender wrong for years. They should be bright red and apologizing, not going, "Oh, I miss my son...." I've had people apologize when getting my dog's gender wrong.

I know that with a child this young, there might be uncertainty if they even understand the concept of gender, but this girl has not only stuck with it for more than a year, but tried to mutilate her genitals, JFC how much more do you need.
oudeteron 21st-Feb-2012 03:20 pm (UTC)
"he"

"gender identity disorder"

"official diagnosis"

"girl trapped in a boy's body"

I can't even read this article through all the bullshit pathologizing/clueless/cis-pandering phrases, but it doesn't sound like I'm missing a lot.

Good on the girl, fail on the article writer, and am I the only one who thinks her parents' support is kinda backhanded? "Oh you wear what you want sweetie, we're still calling you 'he' to everyone when you're not within earshot, LOL!".
ragnor144 21st-Feb-2012 04:44 pm (UTC)
Pronoun fail in the first sentence - didn't read further. Comments sound like she has awesome parents.
octoberstarlite 21st-Feb-2012 07:39 pm (UTC)
Only had a chance to scan read because I have to leave soon but it sounds like the school is being supportive which is great. Just saw about them making their toilets unisex which my local authority have been doing with all the new schools they've built the past couple of years.
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