I've spent the past 2 days trying to convince my 16-year-old she is not a "slut"
8:46 pm - 03/04/2012
I can hardly type, can hardly put this into words! I have been writing and rewriting this because if I don't break down in tears, I get so angry that I can't think straight! I know that so much has already been written about this whole issue, but I am writing this diary from a very personal point of view; forgive me if I find no humor in any of this, excuse me if I take no part in celebrating the loss of sponsorship for that pig's radio program.
You see, my 16 year old daughter came home from school on Friday in tears and has been in a state of utter despair since. She was told, in no uncertain terms, that she is a slut, a prostitute, a horny piece of trash that is out to sleep with every guy in school! The horrid little monsters who started harassing my daughter had the audacity to tell her their mothers were the ones who labeled her with these despicable opinions- they were just "telling it like it is, you know, like that guy on the radio! The one who isn't afraid to tell the truth!" Who does this?! How does Rush Limbaugh or anyone else have the right to do this, to say these things about anyone?
I have written a couple comments about my daughter regarding this birth control issue. She is on birth control and has been for almost a year now- not for sexual activity and pregnancy prevention, but even if that were the case so what?!?!
No, instead beantown girl suffers from menorrhagia and secondary dysmenorrhea. That is, since almost the time of her very first period, she bled so heavily and suffered such severe pain and cramping that she was rendered immobile for the first 2-3 days of menstruation. She would become so violently ill that she would miss at least 2 days of school each month. PMS for this poor child was so horrible- she would rage, cry and be so very depressed that the entire family would try anything to avoid being near her.
It ended up the safest place for her was her room for the week preceding her actual period and we all knew to just stay away from her if we could. I finally convinced her that she needed to see a doctor about this when her periods began to last for 8-9 days and she would become so pale and listless throughout the entire period that I feared she was becoming anemic. She was. After doing extensive testing, ultrasounds and blood work, the doctor diagnosed her with the menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea. She placed beantown girl on Ortho Tri-cyclen Lo, a low dose birth control pill in order to try to balance out the hormones.
Since she has been on the hormones, her periods have become regular, 4-5 days of normal menstruation with less cramping and no more violent, raging PMS- an absolute godsend to my beautiful daughter, to be sure! (author's note- I am writing this with my daughter's permission; even though I could have just written this whole piece without her knowledge, I felt like I needed to have her blessing. It's hard enough being 16-- add into it your mother wants to write about your periods and everything else about this unfortunate incident and, well, I just needed to know that it was ok with her if I did this)
Now to this week. My daughter took a trip with the school band for 5 days just a week and a half ago. Any student on prescription medication had to have a form filled out and signed by the prescribing physician turned in before the trip. The day of the trip, the prescription medication was given to the doctor who was traveling with the students. He would hand out the medication as prescribed. For beantown girl, this was every morning after breakfast. She never thought a thing about it- neither did I. They returned from their trip and went back to the daily grind of high school.
Thursday, my daughter came home from school and seemed to be a little out of sorts. I chalked it up to being tired and trying to get caught up on homework and such; however, I did ask her if everything was alright and she said yes, she thought so- it was just that at lunch there were some girls whispering and pointing at her in lunch and then they would break out into little fits of laughter. She couldn't figure out why they were singling her out but admitted that a couple of the girls were ones she had once had a problem with. They were the "popular" girls, 2 of whom were cheerleaders, and last year they had singled her out calling her names and such when they got bored and, in my daughter's words, "ran out of girls to harass and make fun of in lunch".
I gave it no further consideration- we went on about our business of getting homework done, etc. Friday morning, I took my kids to school and headed off to my mother's to do some errands and such for my family. With the impending storms and bad weather bearing down on us, I sent my daughter a text that I would pick her up from school. My son had baseball so I only had to worry about her getting home.
I pulled into the parking lot and saw that she was standing inside the doors at school, her head down and shoulders shaking- I thought she was laughing at something someone said or was looking at her phone reading something funny. I honked and waved to motion her out, not sure if she saw me. She never looked up, just pushed open the door and practically ran to the car. She flung open the door and I started to say something about the wind and rain, but stopped mid sentence because of the look on my child's face! She was sobbing, face streaked with tears, cheeks red and eyes so swollen I could hardly see her beautiful brown eyes- I slammed the car into park right in the middle of the parking lot and asked her what was wrong.
"Apparently I'm a slut- a whore- a bitch who is screwing every guy in school!"
She was speaking but it wasn't making sense- who said this? What are you talking about? For a minute we were talking over each other and finally I said just get in the car and tell me what is going on! She handed me a wrinkled piece of paper. I could tell it had been opened and closed, folded and unfolded wadded up and straightened out so many times it almost looked like it was going to fall apart in my hands.
'Little miss innocent, huh? Whatever slut- you take birth control pills so you can f*&# every guy in school! What a joke- u are nothin but a whore! Pretty bad when some guy on the radio who isn't afraid to tell the truth has to break it down for everybody- if u on the Pill u are nothing but a skank ass ho! My mom said girls on the pill are tramps who just wanna get laid and don't care about nothin- is that how u are?'
I thought I was going to throw up! I was crying- crying for my sweet daughter who was in a puddle on the front seat of my car, crying because I was so angry I didn't know what to do first! I drove home with one arm around my daughter and one hand on the wheel; I was saying things but for the life of me I can't remember any of what I said now. I just wanted to take the pain away from my child! I wanted to make her stop crying, wanted to erase all the horrible pain that she was feeling.
We got home and thankfully, it was just the 2 of us for quite awhile. We sat down on the couch and she just cried for what seemed like forever. I held her and cried with her and said more things that I just can't remember now! Finally I got her calmed down enough to tell me the story from the beginning. The note was in her locker when she opened it before her first class. She was so upset that she went to her teacher in first period and asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. She said for first and second period she tried not to be too upset- she cried a little bit but was just trying to figure out who would leave such a piece of trash in her locker. By third period, she had shown the note to a couple of her friends and they were so helpful, trying to play detective and at the same time telling her she should just ignore the stupid people! She managed to get through a math quiz and Spanish test and headed off to lunch in a pretty solid frame of mind.
And that's when it really fell apart; apparently, the girls from the day before were the authors of the note. They lined up behind my daughter to get their lunch tray and started in on her. "Birth control whore", "I told my mom you were on the pill and she said you were nothing but a little tramp" "My mom said some guy she listens to on the radio was just talking about girls like you- he even said you were a slut!" "Yeah, my mom said the same thing, said it's about time people spoke up and weren't afraid to tell the truth"!
They laughed, they harassed, they said so many things my daughter couldn't begin to remember it all- she walked back to her table without food and told her friends what was going on. She cried through lunch and through the rest of the day. She said she almost went to the office to call me to come get her but she was trying to be strong and not let them win! The last class of the day, however, was the final straw- it's her history class and 2 of these little monsters are in the class with her. They start the class off by talking about current events. One of the little witches brought up Rush Limbaugh and the (male) teacher said that he was an American Icon- sometimes he says things that can be construed as insensitive but overall, he was one of the few people left in today's media who was not afraid to speak the truth! The girls began to laugh and the conversation apparently changed. I don't think the teacher had any clue as to what was going on. My daughter said the rest of the class was just a blur- when the bell rang, she ran to her locker and down to the bathroom.
I asked my daughter how these girls found out about her being on birth control. It had to have come from someone on the trip, but we have no idea who. It doesn't matter, really, I just would like to know. My daughter looked at me so innocent, so very sad and asked me "Am I a slut because I take a prescription birth control pill? I don't take it because I am having sex, I take it to help my periods- am I a bad person, Mom?"
AM I A BAD PERSON? My 16 year old daughter asked me if she was a bad person because she is on the pill! Who are we? What century do we live in? Who in the hell has the right to say these things? Who does Rush Limbaugh think he is? Why is he allowed to say these things and hurt people? Why have I spent the last 2 days trying to convince my 16 year old that she is not a slut?
On Monday, I am going to my child's high school and meeting with her counselor and principal. I don't yet know what I am going to say but I know this- nothing is going to take away the pain my daughter felt, the humiliation she felt, the indignation she felt. Nothing will make this all O.K., nothing will take us back to before this all happened. As a parent, you want to protect your child from hurt and pain. I didn't protect my child from this- I can only try to make sure that she suffers no more at the hands of these little witches. Or ignorant assholes like Rush Limbaugh.
Source
You see, my 16 year old daughter came home from school on Friday in tears and has been in a state of utter despair since. She was told, in no uncertain terms, that she is a slut, a prostitute, a horny piece of trash that is out to sleep with every guy in school! The horrid little monsters who started harassing my daughter had the audacity to tell her their mothers were the ones who labeled her with these despicable opinions- they were just "telling it like it is, you know, like that guy on the radio! The one who isn't afraid to tell the truth!" Who does this?! How does Rush Limbaugh or anyone else have the right to do this, to say these things about anyone?
I have written a couple comments about my daughter regarding this birth control issue. She is on birth control and has been for almost a year now- not for sexual activity and pregnancy prevention, but even if that were the case so what?!?!
No, instead beantown girl suffers from menorrhagia and secondary dysmenorrhea. That is, since almost the time of her very first period, she bled so heavily and suffered such severe pain and cramping that she was rendered immobile for the first 2-3 days of menstruation. She would become so violently ill that she would miss at least 2 days of school each month. PMS for this poor child was so horrible- she would rage, cry and be so very depressed that the entire family would try anything to avoid being near her.
It ended up the safest place for her was her room for the week preceding her actual period and we all knew to just stay away from her if we could. I finally convinced her that she needed to see a doctor about this when her periods began to last for 8-9 days and she would become so pale and listless throughout the entire period that I feared she was becoming anemic. She was. After doing extensive testing, ultrasounds and blood work, the doctor diagnosed her with the menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea. She placed beantown girl on Ortho Tri-cyclen Lo, a low dose birth control pill in order to try to balance out the hormones.
Since she has been on the hormones, her periods have become regular, 4-5 days of normal menstruation with less cramping and no more violent, raging PMS- an absolute godsend to my beautiful daughter, to be sure! (author's note- I am writing this with my daughter's permission; even though I could have just written this whole piece without her knowledge, I felt like I needed to have her blessing. It's hard enough being 16-- add into it your mother wants to write about your periods and everything else about this unfortunate incident and, well, I just needed to know that it was ok with her if I did this)
Now to this week. My daughter took a trip with the school band for 5 days just a week and a half ago. Any student on prescription medication had to have a form filled out and signed by the prescribing physician turned in before the trip. The day of the trip, the prescription medication was given to the doctor who was traveling with the students. He would hand out the medication as prescribed. For beantown girl, this was every morning after breakfast. She never thought a thing about it- neither did I. They returned from their trip and went back to the daily grind of high school.
Thursday, my daughter came home from school and seemed to be a little out of sorts. I chalked it up to being tired and trying to get caught up on homework and such; however, I did ask her if everything was alright and she said yes, she thought so- it was just that at lunch there were some girls whispering and pointing at her in lunch and then they would break out into little fits of laughter. She couldn't figure out why they were singling her out but admitted that a couple of the girls were ones she had once had a problem with. They were the "popular" girls, 2 of whom were cheerleaders, and last year they had singled her out calling her names and such when they got bored and, in my daughter's words, "ran out of girls to harass and make fun of in lunch".
I gave it no further consideration- we went on about our business of getting homework done, etc. Friday morning, I took my kids to school and headed off to my mother's to do some errands and such for my family. With the impending storms and bad weather bearing down on us, I sent my daughter a text that I would pick her up from school. My son had baseball so I only had to worry about her getting home.
I pulled into the parking lot and saw that she was standing inside the doors at school, her head down and shoulders shaking- I thought she was laughing at something someone said or was looking at her phone reading something funny. I honked and waved to motion her out, not sure if she saw me. She never looked up, just pushed open the door and practically ran to the car. She flung open the door and I started to say something about the wind and rain, but stopped mid sentence because of the look on my child's face! She was sobbing, face streaked with tears, cheeks red and eyes so swollen I could hardly see her beautiful brown eyes- I slammed the car into park right in the middle of the parking lot and asked her what was wrong.
"Apparently I'm a slut- a whore- a bitch who is screwing every guy in school!"
She was speaking but it wasn't making sense- who said this? What are you talking about? For a minute we were talking over each other and finally I said just get in the car and tell me what is going on! She handed me a wrinkled piece of paper. I could tell it had been opened and closed, folded and unfolded wadded up and straightened out so many times it almost looked like it was going to fall apart in my hands.
'Little miss innocent, huh? Whatever slut- you take birth control pills so you can f*&# every guy in school! What a joke- u are nothin but a whore! Pretty bad when some guy on the radio who isn't afraid to tell the truth has to break it down for everybody- if u on the Pill u are nothing but a skank ass ho! My mom said girls on the pill are tramps who just wanna get laid and don't care about nothin- is that how u are?'
I thought I was going to throw up! I was crying- crying for my sweet daughter who was in a puddle on the front seat of my car, crying because I was so angry I didn't know what to do first! I drove home with one arm around my daughter and one hand on the wheel; I was saying things but for the life of me I can't remember any of what I said now. I just wanted to take the pain away from my child! I wanted to make her stop crying, wanted to erase all the horrible pain that she was feeling.
We got home and thankfully, it was just the 2 of us for quite awhile. We sat down on the couch and she just cried for what seemed like forever. I held her and cried with her and said more things that I just can't remember now! Finally I got her calmed down enough to tell me the story from the beginning. The note was in her locker when she opened it before her first class. She was so upset that she went to her teacher in first period and asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. She said for first and second period she tried not to be too upset- she cried a little bit but was just trying to figure out who would leave such a piece of trash in her locker. By third period, she had shown the note to a couple of her friends and they were so helpful, trying to play detective and at the same time telling her she should just ignore the stupid people! She managed to get through a math quiz and Spanish test and headed off to lunch in a pretty solid frame of mind.
And that's when it really fell apart; apparently, the girls from the day before were the authors of the note. They lined up behind my daughter to get their lunch tray and started in on her. "Birth control whore", "I told my mom you were on the pill and she said you were nothing but a little tramp" "My mom said some guy she listens to on the radio was just talking about girls like you- he even said you were a slut!" "Yeah, my mom said the same thing, said it's about time people spoke up and weren't afraid to tell the truth"!
They laughed, they harassed, they said so many things my daughter couldn't begin to remember it all- she walked back to her table without food and told her friends what was going on. She cried through lunch and through the rest of the day. She said she almost went to the office to call me to come get her but she was trying to be strong and not let them win! The last class of the day, however, was the final straw- it's her history class and 2 of these little monsters are in the class with her. They start the class off by talking about current events. One of the little witches brought up Rush Limbaugh and the (male) teacher said that he was an American Icon- sometimes he says things that can be construed as insensitive but overall, he was one of the few people left in today's media who was not afraid to speak the truth! The girls began to laugh and the conversation apparently changed. I don't think the teacher had any clue as to what was going on. My daughter said the rest of the class was just a blur- when the bell rang, she ran to her locker and down to the bathroom.
I asked my daughter how these girls found out about her being on birth control. It had to have come from someone on the trip, but we have no idea who. It doesn't matter, really, I just would like to know. My daughter looked at me so innocent, so very sad and asked me "Am I a slut because I take a prescription birth control pill? I don't take it because I am having sex, I take it to help my periods- am I a bad person, Mom?"
AM I A BAD PERSON? My 16 year old daughter asked me if she was a bad person because she is on the pill! Who are we? What century do we live in? Who in the hell has the right to say these things? Who does Rush Limbaugh think he is? Why is he allowed to say these things and hurt people? Why have I spent the last 2 days trying to convince my 16 year old that she is not a slut?
On Monday, I am going to my child's high school and meeting with her counselor and principal. I don't yet know what I am going to say but I know this- nothing is going to take away the pain my daughter felt, the humiliation she felt, the indignation she felt. Nothing will make this all O.K., nothing will take us back to before this all happened. As a parent, you want to protect your child from hurt and pain. I didn't protect my child from this- I can only try to make sure that she suffers no more at the hands of these little witches. Or ignorant assholes like Rush Limbaugh.
Source
I have the same issues with my period and was put on the pill for the same reasons. I also got my period at the age of 10. I'm pretty sure my daughter will have the same issues. Ignorant fools like him should just shut up permanently.
Rush Limbaugh is a disgusting thing, and anyone who listens to him and takes him seriously is just as disgusting. I don't even care anymore.
Anyhoo, am I the only one getting tired of the "birth control is not just to prevent pregnancy argument"? Because...WTF?
It's not weird for a woman between 16 and 50 to have sex lives.
It's not weird to have sex for enjoyment.
It's not weird to not want to get pregnant every other year until I hit menopause the way *both* my grandmothers did (22 kids between them).
Where are the people standing up for my right to fuck and not get pregnant? Whether I'm banging one guy or twenty, I need to prevent pregnancy, so I don't have a shitload of unwanted kids I can't afford, and so I won't have to have a shitload of abortions.
Pregnancy is a medical condition that costs time and money, so contraception is good for me, it's good for the state, and it's good for insurance companies.
I have been convinced for a while now that the whole Republican mission of the past 40 years is to roll back the progressive gains of the first 2/3 of the 20th century---for minorities, women, labor, the environment, all of it, but they want to go back to the 19th c. socially, too. Roundheels? is that shit even a word? Who talks like this except a villain in a Dicken's novel?
if men could get pregnant and this situation was reversed, i doubt there would be any fucking uproar about contraception.
i am so confused by all of this. i know these girls are doing it to fuck with her and spread rumours but god i hope that they know birth control is used for medical issues too.
/a teenager who is almost not one (counting down until i am 20 honestly)
I don't think this doctor was announcing what meds she was on but I am guessing someone found out about it. I feel like this is a violation of some sort but I don't know what.
So clearly, as Limbaugh said, using birth control equates to you having a TON of sex, and, of course, if the government covers it, than girls should have to post videos online. I just want to punch him.
I am so sorry to hear your daughter is being harassed and hopefully something can be done!
I hate Rush Limbaugh even more now, his words have far too much power to harm others. He needs to be yanked off the air permanently.
It's just that Rush Limbaugh has not recently invented slut-shaming - and no matter what situation - girls will attack girls for it, which sucks, a lot. But those girls are not necessarily evil themselves , but have a lot of internalized misogyny from being judged themselves (and can I say I hate when people say "witches" to avoid saying "bitches," because it really reads the same way).
It just smacks too much of this liberal morality play of how evil Rush Limbaugh is, which he certainly does not need, he's pretty good at displaying how much of an asshole he is on his own.
The whole note - especially this part - kind of made me feel like it might be fake or at least exaggerated, to be honest. It just sort of seemed like it's written by an adult trying to write like a teenager, I don't know. And the "my mom said"-part... I just feel like at that age you kind of want to give out an impression that all your opinions are your own and certainly not coming from your parents. I'm not explaining this well at all :| but I know at sixteen I wouldn't have argued anything with "my mum said", whether it was true or not.
I figured I'd be a mean person for even pointing that our or demanding receipts etc etc, but since you brought it up...
That said, I do believe his comments his comments can be harmful as hell and that this story might as well be very true.
What infuriates me the most, however, is that I just want this girl to be able to defend herself and tell everyone that she's not a slut - that she has legitimate medical reasons to be on birth control. But then I have to stop myself and think - this girl shouldn't need to defend herself. Even if she was on the pill for the purpose of birth control, there's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Women, young and old, have the right to have a sex life! And they have an equal right to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancy. This doesn't make them sluts. This makes them women in control of their lives. And I'm sorry men like Rush are so stuck in the past that they can't recognize this right.
Edited at 2012-03-05 12:37 am (UTC)
The sad part is that the mentality of "birth control = slut" is the reason why I avoided ever taking it as a teenager, despite the fact that it could have helped regulate my out-of-whack periods and terrible moods. (I've regulated since then without any medication, but that's neither here nor there.) So few people realize that going on the Pill is not purely a for-sex thing - and so fucking what if it is? MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.
That male teacher and those girls need to be locked in a room with that mother for some fucking educating.
"My mom said some guy she listens to on the radio was just talking about girls like you- he even said you were a slut!" "Yeah, my mom said the same thing, said it's about time people spoke up and weren't afraid to tell the truth"!
So when a 16 year old said "Hey Mom, some girl in my class is on birth control", the Mom said "She's a slut, honey, and thank goodness Rush Limbaugh tells the truth about people like her." ??? I absolutely do not buy that at all.
I don't doubt the part about being bullied for taking birth control, but the Rush Limbaugh tie in seems totally made-up. I dunno.
And really, that's the heart of the problem. We're still holding onto that lovely double-standard of sexuality, where a man is free to sleep with as many women as he pleases with little repercussion (In fact, he'll be lauded for it in many circles.) but a woman's interest in sex is seen as terrible and irresponsible (though, bizarrely, if she's too uninterested, she's labelled as a prude and ostracized, women can't win).
As long as society holds onto this belief that female sexuality = bad, girls like the author's daughter will continue to suffer.
And of course, all the men who would be having sex with her are just 'studs'.
This is why people hate the likes of Limbaugh; because his views and hate speech not only promote bigotry, but actively encourage and contribute to it. He is a disgusting sack of shit, and so is anyone who agrees with him.
That poor kid, and I'm disgusted with the fact that their parents are feeding them this bullshit in the first place. What kind of adult thinks it's okay to call a minor a slut in the first place?
If this were my daughter, all HELL would break loose in that principal's office on Monday. There would have to be some -serious- investigation into how my daughter's private, confidential medical information had become common knowledge followed by disciplinary action against the persons involved, the girls harassing my daughter and any teachers who'd looked the other way. We're talking total scorched earth...complete with "Ok, we're done here, this is my calling my lawyer.." if the principal wasn't cooperative.
What happened to this girl is so not ok as to be unable to even SEE ok from where it is with a telescope!
What year is it again????
sorry, I've been off line most of the weekend and still catching up with all this shit.
Parents might not make comments about specific gay/effeminate/boyish classmates but their general homophobic remarks seem to be good enough for their kids to be little shits about it at school, so I don't see the point of doubting this story