Don’t Let What Happened to Shane Happen to You (VIDEO)
Thomas Lee Bridegroom left his Indiana home to travel to LA in 2004 hoping to realize his dreams. He quickly gained popularity hosting MTV’s The X Effect in 2007 and starred in a number of commercials. Tom was also lucky enough to find himself in a long term relationship with Shane Bitney Crone, an actor and social media consultant. The couple started a business together in 2006 and also held a joint mortgage, but they never married or got around to writing their living wills. After all, the pair, in their mid-twenties, planned on having a long future together. But cruel fate had other ideas. On May 7, 2011, Tom tragically fell from a four story roof while photographing a model for a project. He subsequently died. Their failure to protect themselves would cost Tom’s partner Shane dearly.
Here is Shane and Tom’s story:
According to this memorial page Tom and Shane’s closest friends did, a month after Tom’s death, hold their own memorial service where Shane was able to participate and talk about his partner Tom and all the memories they made together.
Video summary: When Shane and Tom came out to their families, Shane's was accepting, but Tom's threatened and disowned him. When Tom died, his mother flew in, grabbed his body and his stuff, took off, then the family banned Shane from the funeral Tom's mother made him pay for and threatened him if he showed up. Shane and Tom did not have wills, so he had no legal recourse. He also never found out the specific details of Tom's death because the hospital wouldn't give him details. (Some Googling says that Tom's parents are Martha and Norman Bridegroom.)
I'm sorry I don't have a better source, but I've only seen this on various blogs. This is the most news-like source I've seen so far.
Per
sesmo: Better source
Thomas Lee Bridegroom left his Indiana home to travel to LA in 2004 hoping to realize his dreams. He quickly gained popularity hosting MTV’s The X Effect in 2007 and starred in a number of commercials. Tom was also lucky enough to find himself in a long term relationship with Shane Bitney Crone, an actor and social media consultant. The couple started a business together in 2006 and also held a joint mortgage, but they never married or got around to writing their living wills. After all, the pair, in their mid-twenties, planned on having a long future together. But cruel fate had other ideas. On May 7, 2011, Tom tragically fell from a four story roof while photographing a model for a project. He subsequently died. Their failure to protect themselves would cost Tom’s partner Shane dearly.
Here is Shane and Tom’s story:
According to this memorial page Tom and Shane’s closest friends did, a month after Tom’s death, hold their own memorial service where Shane was able to participate and talk about his partner Tom and all the memories they made together.
Video summary: When Shane and Tom came out to their families, Shane's was accepting, but Tom's threatened and disowned him. When Tom died, his mother flew in, grabbed his body and his stuff, took off, then the family banned Shane from the funeral Tom's mother made him pay for and threatened him if he showed up. Shane and Tom did not have wills, so he had no legal recourse. He also never found out the specific details of Tom's death because the hospital wouldn't give him details. (Some Googling says that Tom's parents are Martha and Norman Bridegroom.)
I'm sorry I don't have a better source, but I've only seen this on various blogs. This is the most news-like source I've seen so far.
Per
sesmo: Better source
My doctors still consider my parents to be my next of kin despite being told repeatedly about my husband. I had to fight tooth and nail to even keep my husband by my side in my last hospital visit - and he was referred to as my friend throughout
I saw this last night on George Takai's facebook page and my heart weeps for Shane.
Although I will add that gay couples are more likely to be subjected to this because of their lack of an option to get married in most states and the added stigma they have on them simply for being a gay couple.
You need a power of attorney to name your partner/spouse as the person who will make decisions for you if you are incapacitated, and a will, to dispose of your property (including your body) as you see fit. This includes specifically cutting people out of your will, or stating that they are to have no discretion in the disposition of your property.
Except both the courts and general opinion will often give even unmarried straight couples some regard, even without any official recognition, even without concrete legislation to back it
It's much much worse for GBLT couples because our relationships are not considered valid and given no weight at all
My partner's family loves me, and my family loves him--we're lucky. But we still have all the paperwork.
And even that's no guarantee. If something happens to one of us, the other has to go home and get the papers. Without it, the hospital can deny access. And even if we have the papers there's no guarantee that they'll be honored; there was that case in Florida where a lesbian couple had all their paperwork and the one was still denied access to her partner before she died.
When I demand the right to marry my partner of 14 years, I'm doing it because stories like this scare the shit out of me.
People look at us all "hruuuunnnnh?" when Soren and I tell them that no, we will not be visiting them in Texas or Florida or anyplace where I can be pretty sure that should something happen, either he or I would have to deal with not just our circumstances, but also the heartless bigotries and maneuverings of petty legalistic bureaucrats whose God told them that it was ok to increase our suffering and exploit our circumstances because we had the gay.
It means our world is pretty small at times, but I have too vivid an imagination and I know what those people are capable of.
If that ever happened, though, I'm certain our relatives would take care of it. Like I said, my family loves my partner, and his family loves me, so there's not a risk that they'll do something like what happened to that poor guy in the video.
My heart goes out to that guy, it really does, because he's living my worst nightmare. I'm not scared of much, but this freaks me the fuck out.
And so I need to work on a living will.
If nothing else, you could draw up a statement allowing any necessary medical procedure, including transfusions, have it notarized, and give it to your doctor for inclusion in your file, and ask them to notate it/highlight it in the same way they do allergies/special medical conditions.
You could then make some sort of a Medical statement card to carry with you, sort of on the opposite end of an allergy alert, that says you specifically request blood transfusions if needed, and give the doc's name and info for further reference.
Thank you for sharing.
Heartbreaking, cruel, and needlessly nasty. Argh.