“We let Willow cut her hair. When you have a little girl, it’s like how can you teach her that you’re in control of her body? If I teach her that I’m in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she’s going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world. She can’t cut my hair but that’s her hair. She has got to have command of her body. So when she goes out into the world, she’s going out with a command that it is hers. She is used to making those decisions herself. We try to keep giving them those decisions until they can hold the full weight of their lives.” - Will Smith
Commentary from the source:
"I’m usually sort of ‘meh’ on Will Smith and the whole Smith family, but I am really impressed by this particular quote from him on letting daughter Willow cut her hair. There’s really something to be said for instilling a sense of body sovereignty and ownership when we’re young. I think it’s wonderful that Smith and his wife Jada have seen the importance in teaching this to their children, particularly their daughter, in ways that are appropriate and understandable for her age. I imagine this will only have a very positive effect on her as she becomes a woman and is up against the various ways in which people and society try to claim her body as their own." - Source
Mods, sorry if this isn't ok to post here -- but I thought after the negativity lately this was kind of cool. Also, couldn't find a body image related tag.
I wish my parents had been more like this. I was taught that I had to have a man to do anything. I'm 26 and my parents still like to bitch if I drive to see them instead of making my husband come with me so he can drive.
Black women are always told what to do with their hair. If your hair is natural, then it's too nappy/unprofessional/unattractive. Of course, if you relax it or straighten it, you "want to be white." I'm glad that they're instilling a "screw you, this is my hair growing out of my head and I'll decide what to do with it" mentality. :)
Edited at 2012-05-26 07:37 am (UTC)
But I partially did it because it was a middle finger to all the haters that promote that women MUST have long hair... unless your youth is gone then you are not allowed to be conventionally attractive anymore. I was upset at first because I did hold those patriarchal beliefs that my beauty was tied with my long hair and I had to cut my hair because of botched perms that fucked my hair up but I completely fell in love with it after the ordeal and made it a ritual to cut it short every May or June for the summer.
Although, it's annoying that people still question why I cut short. Despite, y'know being doing this for four years now (although I did kept it long when I was dating this guy because liked long hair, and I regretted it and chopped it off it right after he dumped me).
Good on Will for letting his daughter own her own body and do what she wants. What an excellent way to teach her that she's her own person. Love it!
I actually remember brushing the hell out of it as a punishment for "not behaving". Like, at the age of six I had already anthropomorphised it to the extent that I saw it as a separate, disobedient being. It took me a long while to start treating it more kindly. And hair is absolutely connected to sense of self. It's a lovely thing that Will is teaching his daughter.
Bad joke aside, this is fantastic. I'm filing it under "Good Future Parenting Ideas".
reminds me of something my mom said: she hated it back when she was still married and she would get a haircut and the first thing co-workers would ask her is "does your husband like it?" like who the hell gives a shit what the husband thinks! like a woman needs a ~*man's seal of approval*~ all the damn time.
I had fits over my hair when I was a kid. The first time I wanted it cut short, my mother took me to get it cut, then said she'd only let it go as short as shoulder length. I wound up with shoulder length hair and bangs, hated it, complained to my father when he picked me up for visitation later in the week, and he let me get it cut to an inch long on top, with it buzzed down to a 2 everywhere else. I was in 5th grade and took no end of shit for it.
Ever since, though, I've had it short, long, buzzed all the way off, long with the sides and back shaved down to almost bare skin/buzzed to a 2, earlobe length with the buzzing done to it, dyed various colors natural or none, and I completely lack the ability to give a flying fornication what anyone thinks about it. I've just about finished growing it out to a length I like, and I've decided if it becomes an issue whenever I start playing hockey, I'll probably just cut it off again, much to some people's dismay. Whoops?
After she finally relinquished control, I started wearing it down all the time and my self-esteem skyrocketed. I love my hair, it's an integral part of who I am, and even when I'm feeling low, just feeling the wind go through my curls makes me feel like the baddest bitch walking. And of course, it's much healthier now than it's even been (at 22).
When I have a child, I will let him or her wear their hair how ever they want because it's their body and children often show their personalities in both their clothes and their hair. I won't restrict that important aspect of growing up like my mother did.
ngl, the photo of Willow makes me want to cut all my damn hair off too. She looks so *happy*!
I did the same with my daughter - it was long when she was little, because i loved it so much (i always wanted Cher/Crystal Gale hair) but when she wanted to cut it and dye it black with red bangs, well - we went to the salon.
It's her hair, why shouldn't she cut it? She does it herself all the time now.
Total control over everything your kid does is just...stifling and horrible. I'd have fought so hard against that, and it would have just made me hate my parents.