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Straight Cis White Christian Dudebro Appropriates "Being Gay," Writes Book to Straightsplain It All

11:23 am - 06/15/2012
'Jesus in Drag': Straight Christian 'Comes Out' for New Book

Immersion based reporting has exploded in recent years with authors like A.J. Jacobs, but for one new author the immersion experience took him on an unprecedented journey, and it all began with two words: "I'm Gay." In his new book, "Jesus in Drag," Timothy Kurek dared to go where no conservative Christian has ever gone before, attempting to test years of teaching within the conservative denomination of his youth. The book releases Oct. 11.

Timothy, just how far did you go for the research of this book? Who did you "come out" to and what was their response?

I came out to everybody! My friends, family, everyone. When it all began I wasn't even doing it for a book. I just knew that I needed to understand, as realistically as possible, how the label of gay might change my life. The social experiment itself demanded all or nothing. I knew I'd have to fully engage in order to understand, so there were only a few people that knew what I was doing.

Every coming out story I've ever read or heard share one common trait: fear. Fear of the reactions and the great what-ifs. With that in mind, it was essential that I experience the same realistic fear and apprehension that comes with making the declaration that I was a gay man. In all of my life I've never been more nervous, or physically and emotionally shaken than I was standing in front of my family when I came out.

And how did they respond?

For the most part I was accepted, but my family operated off the Christian cliché "love the sinner, hate the sin," so while they didn't disown me, it was hard for them to accept me as a gay man. It wasn't long before I realized that "love the sinner, hate the sin" is almost as insidious as being rejected outright. How truly comfortable can you be sharing the ups and downs of your life with a family that doesn't know how to respond to your orientation? The answer is not very. It was a major eye-opener for me!

So is the book about being gay?

Not at all. I could never write a book about being gay because I'm not. The only thing I could do as a straight man was to experience how the label of gay impacted my everyday life, and when nothing else changed about me except the label of my orientation, how it really felt to live as a second-class citizen.

You said that you were still very much homophobic when you began this experiment. What was your first experience inside a gay bar or club?

I really wish I had a video of myself the first time I went into a gay dance club! I'm sure it would make me laugh. In my entire life I had never been around so many gay men. I had never been so uncomfortable. Within minutes of being in the club I had a man pull me onto the dance floor. The entire time I was mortified. He wasn't wearing a shirt and was covered in baby oil and glitter. I didn't know whether to punch the guy or smoke a cigarette after the song ended. In hindsight he was a perfectly nice guy, but everything I had heard in church about gay men told me that he was a sexual deviant and predator, and I was irrationally afraid. I definitely wasn't in the right frame of mind that first night, so all I remember was the fear.

But you overcame that fear fairly quickly didn't you?

Yes I did, and I told my one gay friend about my experiment. I asked him if he would be my "boyfriend" so I could not only learn how to act/be, but so I had an excuse to remove myself from situations that were too uncomfortable. He agreed and became my teacher, my partner and one of the most influential people in my life during that year.

As for my homophobia, once I told my family and friends that I was gay, I knew there was no turning back, so I was able to adapt fairly quickly. When you are so radically out of your comfort zone, you either become resilient or you shut down. Thankfully, things worked out.

What was the most eye-opening part of your year living with the label of gay?

Surprisingly the most eye-opening aspect of my year was experiencing just how detrimental the closet is. When I came out as gay, I was going into the closet as a straight man, and the repression and isolation I experienced was crushing. The combination of knowing I had to constantly hide my true attractions and orientation, with the reality that I couldn't even hope for the possibility having a relationship, was overwhelming. And what I went through is NOTHING compared to the experience of the average gay and lesbian. They were never able to say "only 12 or eight or six more months of this before I get to be me again." So what I consider to be the most eye-opening facet of my year was really only a glimpse of how bad the closet really is.

Right now you're raising funds through an Indiegogo campaign? What is that? Why are you raising money?

Indiegogo.com is a crowd-sourcing site. It's a fantastic avenue for individuals looking to raise money for specific projects. Why am I raising the money? There's a simple reality with smaller publishing houses that hiring a good publicist is the only way you have a shot at getting the word out. Smaller houses don't usually offer a publicist, and most books from them fail to meet expectations because the author doesn't have the network to properly promote their work. The message of this book, the message of love and acceptance and how that practically looks, is key, and I need help spreading that message. I decided to crowd-source the cost of a good publicist by offering pre-orders at the $50 donation level. The perk is that if you donate $50, not only are you pre-ordering the book, but you'll receive your copy before the release date.

Any final thoughts?

I really hope that people read this book, no matter your stance on politics or religion. It is imperative we experience each others' stories, and to allow ourselves to learn from people in every walk of life.


Source is side-eyeing the fuck out of this guy. Source 2 and Source 3 are too.


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He does acknowledge that his experience is extremely limited, and at the end of the video he apologizes, but I still think this is appropriative as fuck. I can think of a half-dozen better ways he could have done this that wouldn't have been offensive.
cashay 16th-Jun-2012 11:50 am (UTC)
As I said I'm from a rather tolerant community so those are all speculations.

But what I think is possible is that straight people from a conservative background might be more inclined to listen to someone who they know feels a lot like them instead of someone you can't identify with at all. To feel compassion for someone you have to be able to identify with them and I'm pretty sure a lot of conservaitve straight people are too afraid to identify with LGBT people out of worry that maybe that makes them gay.

So yeah, maybe they find it easier to read a story by someone who's "just like them". I'm sure a lot of the homophobic people also believe that LGBT people are exaggerating when they're speaking.

Which is fairly disgusting but this is what I think could be the reason why people would prefer to read a straight male pretending he's gay instead of the story of someone who is really LGBT.

And maybe people do get a bit more tolerant over this, I mean maybe some parents realize what their kids are going to or some people realize bullying LGBT people is wrong if so that's a good thing, even though the reason why it has to come from a straight person are very frustrating =/
sparkindarkness 16th-Jun-2012 12:08 pm (UTC)
I don't think straight people from a conservative background who are homophobic are even remotely going to pick up a book called "Jesus in Drag". No way at all.

Why would anyone feel compassion for him? what has he endured that is due compassion? He hasn't actually endured the GBLT experience or anything close to it enough for him to require compassion and it hardly seems likely to inspire it.

These people can't feel compassion when actual GBLT people lose their jobs, are denied rights, are beaten or are murdered? Then if they do feel compassion because a straight person fake comes out then that's not a good message - that reserves compassion and empathy for straight people.

And because he hasn't experienced what we have, he has no way to validate the "exagerations" that straioght people accuse us of, because he has not - cannot - experience them. If anything, he risks downplaying what we face because he hasn't faced them yet is still presenting his book as some kind of insight. And further, it adds to the diea that GBLT people are not to be listened to - even on thjese issues, we're to listen to straight people instead. We shouldn't PANDER to this straight assumption of superiority and this constant centring of straight people in every corner - it's further demeaning and dehumanising of us.

If he truly cared he'd either not right this extremely offensive book - or he'd collate a book of stories from actual GBLT people and act as editor. If he's going to use his privilege to be heard, then he should use it to get us heard - not pocket lots of money exploiting us
cashay 16th-Jun-2012 07:56 pm (UTC)
Urg, sorry compassion was the wrong word =/ I meant sympathize with him. It's easier to understand someone's feeling when you can sympathize with the person and say "hey this guy is just like me". This selective sympathizing with people is a an asshole move but it's what a lot of people do.

No a lot of people can't. I'm not saying it's right but it's the same in a lot of other cases. Unless you can understand it from a perspective where it could harm you/could matter to you it's hard for a lot of people to care appropriately. And it's simply easier to have compassion for people who are "like you" than for everyone.

And yes all of it is horrible and shouldn't be that way but the world isn't perfect and sometimes you just have to take what you get and work with that. We can stand around and demand that people are perfect from the start or not accept their attempts at all or we can go with what we have.

I get what you're saying and why you're angry and I do understand it. And you've every right to feel that way because if people had bullied me for identifying as LGBT I would probably react the same and I know I'm very fortunate to have made only few encounters with homophobia.

I don't find it offensive but that's just my personal opinion, if it's offending you than no line of reasoning I have is gonna change that (or should change that). And I really enjoy discussin with you, despite the fact that on this we likely won't agree^^
sparkindarkness 16th-Jun-2012 11:02 pm (UTC)
Again, if you have to live someone's experience to sympathise then he will never sympathise because he can never live our experiences. Because what he is presenting isn't our experiences and downplays them at that. And this is a horrible path to go down when we have to present a straight face in the hope for straight people to recognise the real problems of homophobia. We're encouraging the problem

This makes it worse - it panders to people who have enither compassion or sympathy (and would such a person even pick up this book in the first place) and makes money doing it. It let's people play at caring for GBLT people without actually having to do so - a wonderful self-congratulatory pat on the back without actually having to care or deal with GBLT people.

It just saddens me becasue we're already ignored. And now, even when it comes to our issues and our struggle, it's straight voices and straight faces again.
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