ONTD Political

The battle of the sexes is alive and well. According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997 – from 28 percent to 37 percent. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent.

Believe it or not, modern women want to get married. Trouble is, men don’t.

The so-called dearth of good men (read: marriageable men) has been a hot subject in the media as of late. Much of the coverage has been in response to the fact that for the first time in history, women have become the majority of the U.S. workforce. They’re also getting most of the college degrees. The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women. 

As the author of three books on the American family and its intersection with pop culture, I’ve spent thirteen years examining social agendas as they pertain to sex, parenting, and gender roles. During this time, I’ve spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women. And in doing so, I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same.

Women aren’t women anymore.

To say gender relations have changed dramatically is an understatement. Ever since the sexual revolution, there has been a profound overhaul in the way men and women interact. Men haven’t changed much – they had no revolution that demanded it – but women have changed dramatically.

In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.

Now the men have nowhere to go.

It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry. Heck, men have been to blame since feminists first took to the streets in the 1970s.

But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is – hold on to your seats – women’s fault?

You’ll never hear that in the media. All the articles and books (and television programs, for that matter) put women front and center, while men and children sit in the back seat. But after decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.

Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.

It’s all so unfortunate – for women, not men. Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.

It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek.

So if men today are slackers, and if they’re retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they’ve played to bring about this transformation.

Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.

And of course, Fox actually found a woman to write this. Whom, it turns out, is also Phyllis Schlafly's niece.

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chaya 25th-Nov-2012 02:32 pm (UTC)
Any excuse to post these:

celtic_thistle 25th-Nov-2012 05:30 pm (UTC)
omfg I rant and rave about this sort of thing whenever exposed to commercials for any length of time. IT IS SO TRUE
mycenaes 25th-Nov-2012 02:38 pm (UTC)
Internalized misogyny doesn't really make me angry. It kind of just makes me depressed.
13oct 25th-Nov-2012 02:41 pm (UTC)
What sexist crap.

"All they have to do is surrender to their nature, their feminity"

Yeah, so barefoot and pregnant is the way to go then?
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
angelofdeath275 25th-Nov-2012 02:49 pm (UTC)
blah blah something about poor men and angry women
moonshaz 26th-Nov-2012 05:43 am (UTC)
Pretty much.
belleweather 25th-Nov-2012 02:50 pm (UTC)
Oh God. As a woman in a marriage which is happy, functional, and has mirror-image gender rolls (I have the awesome high powered career, my husband stays home with the kids, volunteers, and teaches part-time) I'm torn between wanting to laugh until I cry and wanting to beat the shit out of someone. On one hand, they're just SO WRONG about everything -- seriously, all these 'men going it alone' dudes, why would anyone WANT to marry one? And women's 'inherent nature'? 51% of the population is exactly the same, really? -- on the other hand, they're talking about me and my family and that gets my hackles up. We're fine, bitch, leave us alone. Grrr.
thelilyqueen 25th-Nov-2012 03:12 pm (UTC)
Seriously. Your marriage works great for you and your husband - that's great, and the haters need to STFD. If I find a guy someday who thinks it's great I love my work and doesn't automatically take that as 'competing' with him, and we're compatible in other ways too, that'd be great. But if that doesn't happen, I'd rather be alone than lie about who I am to make a guy (and, from reading this, any guy would do - and that's not insulting to men at all-) like me.

The author also utterly misses the point when she brings up that statistic about women wanting to get married. Just because someone wants to get married does not mean they imagine having the sort of hypertraditionalist marriage my grandparents had (which, I'll add, didn't bring out the best in either of them).
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alicephilippa 25th-Nov-2012 02:59 pm (UTC)
What a load of sexist bollocks, mixed with huge amounts of internalised misogyny.

So we are supposed to go back to being, metaphorically, chained to the kitchen sink.
aviv_b 25th-Nov-2012 03:16 pm (UTC)
Boo Hoo. Won't anyone think of the poor men. Putting aside the fact that many women don't want to be stay at home moms, let's look at the economic realities, shall we?

In order to have any sort of decent standard of living, current economic realities require that both men and women work today. That's because jobs pay relatively less than they did a few decades ago, and there aren't any benefits or pensions a lot of the time. A generation ago one good paycheck was required to purchase a home and support a family. Today, it takes at least two jobs to barely get by.

And who created this system? Why, men of course. Mostly white, straight, privileged men who decided that everyone but them should be paid the lowest possible wage with the least amount of benefits. So even if women didn't want to work (and I'd posit that most do), they'd have to. And its awfully hard to get in touch with your inner nurturing femininity when employers (in the US) only have to begrudingly provide 12 weeks UNPAID for you to be with your baby.

And of course many women don't see themselves as full-time breeders for 20-30 years of their lives and would like to do something other than change poo-poo diapers. (Shocking!)

As a single, childless, middle aged woman by choice, this really hits a hot button. I'm so tired of being told that I am 'less than,' 'unfeminine,' 'selfish' and other names that make presumptions about my sexuality, sexual orientation, because of the choices I've made.

And of course, these remarks come from 50 year old man-boys who still live at home with mommy, or are divorced and can't understand why I don't want to spend my 'golden years' wiping their asses. Sorry guys, I have a happy, fulfilling life; if you don't, that's so not my problem.

Sorry, should have calmed down before I typed this, but grrrrrr.
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darlahood 25th-Nov-2012 03:22 pm (UTC)
marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.

I glanced this and thought it said manageable men, hahaha.
scolaro 25th-Nov-2012 05:05 pm (UTC)
Don't we all wish... :D
kitanabychoice 25th-Nov-2012 03:27 pm (UTC)
Um, because my own career goals aren't linear? oh fuck this article.
roseofjuly 26th-Nov-2012 04:48 am (UTC)
In this day in age I don't believe anyone's career goals are linear, and even if they are, they are in for a big surprise.
tabaqui 25th-Nov-2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
Oh, such ignorant crap. I'm reminded of a scene in 'A League of Their Own', when a woman radio 'personality' decried 'unwomanly' women playing baseball and how awful it was that they weren't in the kitchen having babies.

Women? Can't win.

And of course, this article has no place to leave comments.
karma_aster 25th-Nov-2012 03:33 pm (UTC)
Wow. Rarely have I seen a post filled with so much sexist bullshit. I don't know whether to be impressed or horrified, really.
ragnor144 25th-Nov-2012 03:35 pm (UTC)
Instead of longing for the good ol' days (good only for straight, cis, white males) why not deal with things as they are? Radical idea I know.
pennylane101 25th-Nov-2012 03:51 pm (UTC)
maynardsong 25th-Nov-2012 04:00 pm (UTC)
Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.

Hold on. They're actually considering a one night stand and a domestic partnership as synonymous? I can't even.
belleweather 25th-Nov-2012 04:10 pm (UTC)
Also, you can only live with your girlfriend with no responsibilities if your girlfriend is a doormat. And I thought their whole thesis was like "OMGOHNOEZ, women are not doormats! Society will fall." Methinks they didn't think this through all the way.
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