ONTD Political


1:50 pm - 01/24/2013

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities on Monday and resign from office, effective immediately.

“By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”

While many in the media have blamed Beyoncé for the lip-synching controversy, Mr. Paul said, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”

Mr. Paul said that the White House’s refusal to comment on the Beyoncé crisis “only serves the argument that this President has something to hide.”

“If Beyoncé lip-synched the national anthem, how do we know President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office?” he said. “If that’s the case, he’s not legally President. But just to be on the safe side, he should resign anyway.”

Mr. Paul also blasted Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her testimony on Benghazi before the Senate today: “Her tactic of answering each and every question we asked her didn’t fool anyone.”


put the correct tags this time mods
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satellite__eyes 24th-Jan-2013 07:45 pm (UTC)
Wanted to stop reading after "Obama Urged to Resign".
ACTUALLY stopped reading after "Rand Paul".
roseofjuly 25th-Jan-2013 03:37 am (UTC)
LOL ditto
bloody_vixen 24th-Jan-2013 07:47 pm (UTC)
I, I just...what? They are really reaching, aren't they?
lacunaz 24th-Jan-2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
Wait this isn't from the Onion I'm confused.
wrestlingdog 24th-Jan-2013 10:45 pm (UTC)
It's from the Borowitz Report, which is a news satire site just like the Onion. No worries.
nitasee 24th-Jan-2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
What this isn't a story from the Onion?

Rand Paul, you will never stop being a moron.
nitasee 24th-Jan-2013 09:11 pm (UTC)
Okay, not the Onion, but still satire. Rand Paul though is still a moron.
rex_dart 24th-Jan-2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
I actually stopped halfway through to check that this was, in fact, satire just because I'd only be mildly surprised to hear Rand Paul saying these things.
mycenaes 24th-Jan-2013 07:50 pm (UTC)
lol, same here. I had to double-check.
oceandezignz 24th-Jan-2013 07:53 pm (UTC)

... is this real life?

Oh my fuck this is real.

Planetary Ejection Program initiated...
chaya 24th-Jan-2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
umm :|
idemandjustice 24th-Jan-2013 07:53 pm (UTC)
I think this needs a "not the onion" tag.
skellington1 24th-Jan-2013 10:07 pm (UTC)
Except it IS satire. Just not the onion.
fishphile 24th-Jan-2013 07:55 pm (UTC)
The Borowitz Report also does satire. So not The Onion, but just like The Onion.
idemandjustice 24th-Jan-2013 08:49 pm (UTC)
That's a relief.
beoweasel 24th-Jan-2013 07:55 pm (UTC)
Haha, you got me, this is an Onion Article...

-looks at the source-

You mean this isn't from the Onion? I...Wat
chaya 24th-Jan-2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
It's still satire.
omgangiepants 24th-Jan-2013 07:55 pm (UTC)
The Borowitz Report, folks, come on.

Edited at 2013-01-24 07:57 pm (UTC)
valarltd 24th-Jan-2013 10:04 pm (UTC)
Poe's Law. I totally bought it.

There is a lot of anger at Beyonce lip-synching (a perfectly appropriate tactic in an outdoor event) and I was not surprised, just kind of "oh really now" about it.
pamuya 24th-Jan-2013 07:58 pm (UTC)
This is satire, y'all
jeweledvixen 24th-Jan-2013 08:03 pm (UTC)
Thank the gods. I really wasn't sure when it said these remarks were made by Rand Paul.

Edited at 2013-01-24 08:03 pm (UTC)
tinylegacies 24th-Jan-2013 07:59 pm (UTC)
I think this needs a "satire" tag.
d00ditsemily 24th-Jan-2013 08:15 pm (UTC)
i had it added when i submitted but i guess lj ate it.
akashasheiress 24th-Jan-2013 08:00 pm (UTC)
pullmystrings 24th-Jan-2013 08:15 pm (UTC)
just because it's not the onion doesn't mean it's not satire! thankfully
tryxkittie 24th-Jan-2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
does this mean beyonce is officially a terrorist?
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