Shooting You with My Smile (box_in_the_box) wrote in ontd_political,
Shooting You with My Smile
box_in_the_box
ontd_political

HA HA HA LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT CONTACTED BY THE GOVERNMENT

5 Reasons Cracked Loves America (A Message to the FBI)

Recently I noticed that some monitoring software I have installed was blocking a government IP address, which is funny because, checking the logs, I saw that no government IP had ever attempted an unprompted connection with my computer before oh, say, July 3rd at about 8:30 EST. I looked up some information on this address and found several forum threads regarding it, with many speculating that it was the FBI watchlist. This, coupled with my intense drug-induced paranoia and something I call ‘recreational schizophrenia’ led to an interesting few nights of hysteria that may or may not have resulted in me attacking passerby with a baseball bat while shouting the freedom of information act - literally just shouting the words “the freedom of information act” while ambushing my neighbors from the trees (because the trees are technically in the sky, and no man can own the sky!)

But regardless of what brought the authorities to my doorstep, I would like to take a moment to assure them that we here at Cracked do not pose any danger to the United States Government but are, at worst, merely a danger to ourselves and others. And, in order to further prove our sincerity, all images in this post have been replaced by hot chicks in American flag bikinis with quotes so patriotic that terrorists would vomit bald eagles if they even read them. God bless the USA.

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