ONTD Political

IN WHICH THE RELIGIOUS/CONSERVATIVE/GOD-FEARING RIGHT DECIDE THEY SHOULD REWRITE THE BIBLE NATURALLY

12:27 am - 10/06/2009
The far right fanatics who run “Conservapedia” have a new project: they’re planning to rewrite the Bible to get rid of all of that liberalism and socialism: Conservative Bible Project.

Yes, really. Here’s an example of the kind of stuff they think needs to be excised from the all-new conservative Bible:

First Example - Liberal Falsehood
The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

Yeah, conservatives don’t want no truck with that librul “forgiveness” thang! Out with it!

Wow.

Other problematic commie terms include “volunteer,” “comrade,” and “laborer.” (You couldn’t write comedy like this.)

...

The interesting thing about this project: it’s a tacit admission that the Bible itself is not the unchangeable, literal word of God, but can be edited as necessary to fit political purposes.

Things that make you go, “Hmmm.”

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schexyschteve 6th-Oct-2009 04:48 am (UTC)
The Religious Right really needs to branch off and form their own Murrkan Valews Party or something.
annakinz 6th-Oct-2009 04:51 am (UTC)
ffs Jesus' whole schtickl was forgiveness, helping people, looking out for the poor, etc.

IN OTHER WORDS JESUS WAS THE BIGGEST LIBERAL OF ALL AND THEY CAN'T STOMACH IT.
victorialupin 6th-Oct-2009 04:54 am (UTC)
Lol, ikr? I don't know how they're going to rewrite the Bible to be more conservative unless they just write out Jesus completely.
escherichiacola 6th-Oct-2009 04:51 am (UTC)
INERRANT WORD OF GOD
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
thebigbadbutch 6th-Oct-2009 05:04 am (UTC)
How embarrassing.
celtic_thistle 6th-Oct-2009 05:04 am (UTC)
IS THIS REAL LIFE
schexyschteve 6th-Oct-2009 05:08 am (UTC)
RAPTOR JESUS SAYS IT'S JUST FANTASY
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
fruiterian 6th-Oct-2009 05:13 am (UTC)
haha, i love how they're doing this by going through and translating the fuckin' king james into modern english and not going to the manuscripts, but their justification for getting rid of that luke verse is all ~textual criticism~, which is totally done by those nasty liberal professors.

also, i find it hilarious that the NIV isn't conservative enough for them (although i can probably imagine why). and the guidelines on the conservapedia page are HILARIOUS. fuck, the translations the have are already pretty good.

Mark 1:25. Jesus then rebuked the evil spirit, "Shut up and depart from him."
escherichiacola 6th-Oct-2009 05:37 am (UTC)
haha, i love how they're doing this by going through and translating the fuckin' king james into modern english and not going to the manuscripts

It's like trying to spell check with a smoked ham.
worldmage 6th-Oct-2009 05:16 am (UTC)
Why bother with parody when they do it to themselves?
scolaro 6th-Oct-2009 08:04 am (UTC)
I think that EVERY TIME I read anything about bible nuts...
lidane 6th-Oct-2009 05:17 am (UTC)
Personally, I agree with the folks at LGF-- the LOLcat Bible is much more entertaining. XD
jesidres 6th-Oct-2009 05:28 am (UTC)
And probably more accurate.
(no subject) - Anonymous - Expand
danceprincess20 6th-Oct-2009 05:25 am (UTC)
"Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians."

Social justice be damned.

(Quote from here http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/10/5/789941/-Wingnuts-Rewriting-the-Bible-to-Make-it-Less-Liberal)
mhael Obligatory6th-Oct-2009 05:28 am (UTC)


silver_rac23 Re: Obligatory6th-Oct-2009 06:13 pm (UTC)
OMG THAT FIRST MACRO IS GOLD!
jesidres 6th-Oct-2009 05:28 am (UTC)
Quote my friend had on Twitter after this showed up:

"I suspect the LOLCat Bible probably hews closer to the original text than the Conservative Bible will."

And I think I agree.
the_gabih 6th-Oct-2009 09:35 am (UTC)
I know the LEGO Bible does, certainly. Having never read the LOLCat one, I wouldn't know.

D'you have a link, by any chance?
ms_maree 6th-Oct-2009 05:28 am (UTC)
These guys would just love the Old Testament God, all fire and brimstone.
theartema 6th-Oct-2009 05:34 am (UTC)
As a Christian...


This kind of makes me want to cry. No, seriously. :( I just... idgi. I really don't. I don't fucking understand how these people can claim to be Christian when all they do is hate hate hate and MEMEMEMEMEME LOOK AT ME I'M PRAYING FOR YOU AND I'M GOIN' TO CHURCH WHERE THE NASTY CHILD-RAPING FAGS CAN'T GO LALALALA I'M A SELFISH, HYPOCRITICAL MONSTER FUCK YOU AND DIE IF YOU HAVEN'T ANY HEALTH INSURANCE BOOTSTRAPS GOD HATES YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOUUUUUU END TIMES ISRAEL IS MY FUCK-BUDDYYYYY
foxinmyhands 6th-Oct-2009 05:45 am (UTC)
Dude, I'm not a Christian and it makes me want to cry.
morbidoutlook 6th-Oct-2009 05:47 am (UTC)
I wish I could reset the world.
evildevil 6th-Oct-2009 05:59 am (UTC)
And Conservative Jesus said to the Crowd: "Bootstraps and Freemarket ye of little faith"
lavenderfrost 6th-Oct-2009 12:38 pm (UTC)
Salvation and glory and power belong to our Glenn Beck, for true and NOT CRAZY AT ALL are his judgments.
Rev. 19
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