Jennifer (~*PROUD OBOT!!!*~ - Long Island, NY) (jaded110) wrote in ontd_political,
Jennifer (~*PROUD OBOT!!!*~ - Long Island, NY)

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The six stages of Teabaggery

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross entered social science history and obtained fame when she conclusively identified the five stages of experiencing a slow death. Old new lefty has gone through his own slow death experience lately by attempting to make contact with Teabaggers, and is here to report on the five stages that educated progressives go through in dealing with the 'baggers.  For one thing, trying to communicate with them doesn't make you any younger, and many of the 'baggers are in their golden years, so they're near slow death themselves.
Probably your first encounter with the Teabagger is by watching the John Stewart show, or maybe Keith Olbermann is feeling in a good mood that day.  When you first see those misspelled signs on the Constitution  or those signs saying, "KEEP SOCIALISM AWAY FROM MY MEDICARE" it's a truly WTF moment. I mean, what gives with these people anyway?  Are they really that dumb?  And the whole movement pretty much looks like a bad soap opera only without the sex.

Then you start to wonder.  Is weird Uncle Harold a Teabagger?  What about that old fart who lives down the street from you who always flies the American flag and has a pickup truck with a gun rack on the back?  If you're an inquiring mind, you really want to know. So you screw up your courage and walk down the street to stand on Crazy Phil's lawn to get his view on political things.

WTF turns into yadda yadda yadda pretty quickly.  Chris Matthews says, "Democrats fall in love.  Republicans fall in line," and in any initial questions of the 'bagger there will be some of the  regurgitations he's seen on the F*x News.  Something Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh said comes back to you as if you'd pulled the string on a Chatty Kathy doll.  I don't know who the mastermind is  who thinks up all of these zingers --  that everyone then immediately parrots as if it's the unquestionable truth.  Maybe it's some pimply faced 20 year old intern chained to a computer.  I don't know, but it's very important to get through this stage to the next one.

If you continue with probing questions, eventually your blood is going to boil, and it won't be any damn good.  One likely reason for anger is him (it usually is) spouting off birther nonsense about forged Kenyan birth certificates.  Another source of anger is racism or homophobia.   That one always guarantees a rise in your gorge. My anger stage came when I got a bagger to spout off nonsense like this.  

"The hell the government is going to make ME pay for health insurance.  I'd like to see them try. I want to see federal troops rush in to protect those IRS agents or whoever who's going to try to take me to jail. Ha!  My pals in the police force and (fill in the blank on your military service) will get together, and we'll show them what!"  This ends with a masturbatory fantasy about the Texas National Guard going all mano a mano with the Guard from the Peoples Republic of California.

Now this stuff isn't dreamed up by some intern in Washington, DC.  This comes from our old pals the militia, Ku Klux Klan, White Power movement or whatever.  You know -- the finest whitest elements of the USA. It's very important to get through Stage #4, because Stage #5 is the biggie.

Slowly you begin to realize that there might be a silver lining in all of this stupidity. By going down this road, the Teabaggers are fufilling the same function as the Weather Underground in the late 60s and early 70s.  In other words when the revolution gets to the month of Thermidor, the true believers start to eat each other

The Weather Underground helped bring us Ronald Reagan.  If the Teabaggers and their ilk kill themselves, this could pave the way for a really great president like Franklin Delano Roosevelt. 

The Teabaggers hate what they call "the parasite class," and they hate to pay taxes.  If they had an independent brain they'd put one plus one together and agitate for a "tax the rich" thing.  Then they might do something constructive for a change and have a chance of extending their length of survival.

In the meantime as the front part of your brain kicks in, you think to yourself, "Run, 'baggers, run!  Split the GOP, and make both of you guys look like absolute fools.  See what the results will be in November when you fail to dislodge even a chunky portion of Democratic Congressmen.

Finally you get to the most important stage of all.



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