grill me a cheese (haha1205) wrote in ontd_political,
grill me a cheese

Samantha Bee’s Laughing Pad~

Samantha Bee
Age: 41
Occupation: Comedian
Project: Returning this month to ‘‘The Daily Show’’ from maternity leave

Worst Christmas Gift: It was $50 cash in a Tiffany ring box, from my boyfriend at the time. I think in his early teen years he may have sniffed a lot of glue. Picture me, breathless, opening this Tiffany box and finding $50.

Pregnant, No Pause: I’ve had three babies in the past four years. When my husband, the “Daily Show” correspondent Jason Jones, and I are done with the show, we’re going to open an onion farm, and we’ll need workers.

What She Wouldn’t Do for a Laugh: I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do. Well, I’m postpartum right now, and I probably wouldn’t wear a bikini. Actually, never mind, I would.

Morning Routine: I wake up around 8:30, but I actually wake up at 7:30. I walk away from the baby. I make coffee. I make myself a superhearty breakfast first. Then I can face other people’s breakfasts.

Family Heirloom: I have a wooden spoon, which goes back so many generations it goes back to Ireland. I still use it.

Favorite Christmas Gift: A pair of diamond studs, from my husband, which I love. Yes, they are from Tiffany. I open Tiffany boxes now, and there are actual things from Tiffany in them.

Husband Memento: Jason and I did two movies together that he wrote and no one saw. We played a couple being married in one of them, and we have photos from the fake wedding that are so unflattering. People think they are our real wedding photos.

Her First Break: I was a member of the Atomic Fireballs, an all-woman sketch-comedy group in Toronto.

Her Tickle Trunk: I think every comedian who ever did sketch comedy has a tickle trunk somewhere. It’s a trunk full of props. I can’t let go of my tickle trunk, because if “The Daily Show” fires me and I need to go back to sketch, I’ll need my wigs.

Meal Reading: I like to read cookbooks while I eat and fantasize about other meals. I am a cookbook fanatic. A recent gift is “Ad Hoc at Home,” by Thomas Keller.

Prized Possession: My chandelier. It is kind of a black, metal-wire thing. It looks ridiculous in this apartment, but it was the first major purchase we made, and Jason bought it for me.

Favorite “Daily Show” Work: I treasure anything from the conventions, particularly the last set. We’re always in big arenas with thousands of people. It’s electric. You have this huge selection of people to talk to.

Convention Memento: In 2004, someone made a bobblehead doll of me dressed as I was at the Republican convention. The head is coming off, because my kids play with it.

Investment Vehicle: We are teaching our eldest daughter how to put money in a piggy bank. When it’s full, we take it out and give it to charity. If we leave change lying around, the children will eat it.

Worst Thing About Kids: You can’t have nice things. Our apartment is virtually empty. I wanted to buy a ceramic tray recently, and my husband said: “We can’t have that in the house. The kids will break it.”

Obsession: Obviously my family, blah, blah, blah. But it is food, eating, food. I am completely driven by it. I go to sleep at night thinking about what will be my breakfast. It is just a really big part of my day.

Top Food Compulsion: The right balance of salty and sweet is important to me. No meal is finished without something salty-sweet at the end.

Always in Fridge: Whole milk. My children are milk-fed veal. I am force-feeding it to them to tenderize them for Christmas dinner.

Greatest Indulgence: Without a doubt, my hair. It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

Favorite Place to Shop: I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children’s clothes online. I am always on a Web site called Boden, where I bought three polka-dot cords for my daughter.

By Her Bed: A cellphone, books and copper baby booties of my mother’s, which are strangely large. They’re huge.

Current Resolution: We decided we aren’t going to drink Coke anymore. We decided it was fueling our lives. We are now exhausted. Obviously.

First Crush: Jesus. I think that is pretty typical for Catholic girls. He is so benevolent and handsome with his luminous blue eyes. It was so distressing for me when my mother told me he probably wouldn’t have had blue eyes at all.

Personal Hero: My grandmother. Her name was Doris Meekins. She was great. I am crying as I say this.

Grandma Memento: My grandmother’s crucifix, which I always put over the door in any bedroom I’ve slept in.

Evening Routine: We like to have the kids in bed by 9 p.m. Jason and I seem to eat large lunches and don’t go for big dinners. I go to bed around 11-ish. We like to have a couple of hours by ourselves.

Favorite Vacation: My house in the Catskills. It’s the best. You can’t do a lick of exercise, and you can’t walk anywhere, because people are always shooting things.

Touching Note: I cried the moment I saw this. It was done by my daughter Piper, who is 4½. She put it on the front door. I came in with the new baby, closed the door and started weeping.

Favorite Hate Mail: I’ve received one hate letter. It’s from a man called Greg, who put it on his own letterhead. He called me a “disgusting person.” I have that letter on my corkboard at work.

Self-Referential Object: It’s a sad photograph from a series about the first places men go after being separated from their families. That’s my wheelhouse. I like to wallow in others’ misery.

Travel Ritual: I always have to turn the TV on immediately in hotels. On our honeymoon, we turned on the television, and my ex-boyfriend was in a movie, in Spanish. You know, Tiffany-box-50-bucks guy. It was terrible.



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