As Hollywood understands it, Jesus brought the Ten Commandments to the people on a magic carpet largely because he wanted them to stop enjoying themselves. And the first and most important commandment was that no Christian can ever dance. It’s right there, written on the side of the Ark of the Covenant that Indiana Jones found. Now, perhaps you missed these theological insights at Sunday school, but you gotta understand that the Hollywoodoid’s understanding of the religion embraced by most Americans is rather limited. They know that Jesus is somehow involved, and that he has superpowers and can probably fly, and that everyone who is religious is repressed, and that to Christians all sex is bad. Why red states like Utah seem to actually have a growing population while God-free blue zones like San Francisco are withering away is a question they never ask.
9. “The CIA is both all-powerful and shockingly inept all at once.” – The Bourne Films (2002-2006)
What’s astonishing about the Bourne films, other than the fact that anyone watches these tiresome action retreads with a hero who cannot be defeated, deterred, or killed and a cinematographer who doesn’t own a tri-pod, is how the CIA is alternatively omnipotent and impotent. When the plot requires it, the CIA can do anything it wants, right up until the plot needs it not to be able to. Then it becomes less effective than the TSA on Quaaludes. There have been a hundred films about the CIA, most picturing it as some sort of super spy force that has its wicked claws in pretty much everything around the world. We wish! The idea that American intelligence has an army of killbots designed to hunt down and eliminate our enemies at a moment’s notice would be totally awesome. Sadly, the reality is more likely that any action request would get routed through three bureaus, six directorates, and a suite of lawyers before someone leaked it to the New York Times while the bad guy sips champagne with his hookers in a villa in Caracas.
8. “True courage means helping out the Nazis.” – The English Patient (1996)
John Nolte recently dissected the utter moral bankruptcy of The English Patient, but this astonishing film deserves another mention here. Basically, the film approves of its hero’s selling out information to the Nazis in order to preserve his chance to score with his lame girlfriend. I’ll rephrase that, because you probably think you read it wrong – this critically hailed motion picture’s position is that when you are given a choice between helping or not helping the Nazis, you should follow the instructions of your penis. The problem isn’t that some screenwriter spews this kind of poison. It’s that there are so many moral illiterates out there who mistake it for morality. The English Patient was praised high and low for its profundity; in fact, at its heart it is nothing but a sickening, despicable ode to selfishness. Greed may not be good, but apparently horniness is a virtue. If you really dig a chick, so what if a few thousand guys battling Hitler get wasted? Gimme a break.
At least The English Patient has a happy ending – the traitor gets burned up and dies, so it has that going for it. You get to at least leave with a smile.
7. “Greed is not good.” – Wall Street (1987)
Oliver Stone makes his third appearance on this list with a searing indictment of the financial industry that overwhelmingly supported the Democrats in 2008. Like most liberals and leftists, Stone is either unaware of the difference between greed and enlightened self-interest or he simply does not care. But sadly, he has managed, for a whole generation of half-wits, to make the face of capitalism Gordon Gekko instead of Adam Smith.
Note that Stone recently released a sequel to Wall Street, Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps (2010). It cost $70 million to make but only grossed $52 million. That’s okay, though, because Oliver Stone isn’t in it for the money.
6. “Nuclear weapons are awful.” – Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
There are probably a few inventions that have saved more human lives and prevented more suffering than nuclear weapons. The wars since World War II, when we quite properly dropped two A-Bombs on Japan and ended the slaughter, have been a mere shadow of what they would have been without our thermonuclear arsenal. That’s just a fact, and all the posturing about the “insanity” of deterrence in this inexplicably beloved movie can’t change that. You should love The Bomb.
5. “Nuclear Power is eeeeevvvvvviiiiiiilllllll” – The China Syndrome (1979)
Hanoi Jane stars as a crusading reporter in this cheap-looking relic that was shot with all the technical flourish of a very special episode of CHiPs. Sure, we know that all corporations are evil, but The China Syndrome teaches us that the nuclear power industry is especially evil. We know this because, well, anyone who opposes the liberal agenda is evil. The title refers to the idea that a nuclear plant core meltdown would send the core deep into the earth, releasing a cloud of radiation that would destroy, well, if this movie is to be believed, pretty much everything. This silly movie was lucky enough to come out around the time of the Three Mile Island incident, where a little radiation was released and nothing much happened. Sadly, it gave ammunition to the liberal Luddites who oppose safe, clean nuclear power. And who also oppose coal and oil power. And hydroelectric power. And solar power. And wind power (at least in their backyards).
But on the plus side, when we have no electrical power at all, we’ll never have to watch crap like The China Syndrome again
4. “Every American who is not an affluent urban elitist is a drooling degenerate.” – Deliverance (1972)
It’s always fun to see how the liberal elites in Hollywood and their comrades in D.C. and New York seem to look at the rest of their country like medieval folk looked at ancient maps – as if the lands beyond the fringes of the known world are described with the words, “Beware! Here be sodomites!” Now, no one is parochial like a Hollywoodoid. These folks think driving south of the I-105 requires a passport and heading east of the I-5 (except maybe to Vegas) requires vaccinations. The fact that they know nothing of the world outside their manicured lawns is not surprising; the fact that they constantly portray it as at best quaint, but usually malignant, is just getting tiresome. In reality, the insular Hollywood community of today, drawing as it does new blood only from the same set of prestigious schools and from the offspring of its own members, is more incestuous than any backwoods West Virginia hollow.
3. “Those darn conservatives killed JFK.” – JFK (1991)
Leave it to Oliver Stone to once again not let inconvenient truths get in the way of his conclusions. Why should the fact that a commie piece of human waste who had defected to Russia and who was actively advocating for Cuba shot Kennedy keep Stone from making another technically great movie that instead posits a conspiracy including but not limited to the Pentagon, the CIA, General Motors, Denny’s restaurants, Microsoft, the state of Alabama, miscellaneous Norwegians, three of the Doobie Brothers, the Sham-Wow guy, shiny reverse vampires, and the mastermind, a 12-year old Rush Limbaugh. We’re through the looking glass here, people. Especially where Costner names noted tool of the rightwing capitalist conspiracy Arlen Specter as one of the ringleaders. Yeah, that Arlen Specter.
2. “All misfits, losers, and malcontents are inherently heroic.” – Animal House (1979)
No one loves Animal House more than I do, but one unfortunate legacy (besides convincing a generation of sheet-clad college drunks that they should try to sing Shout) is that it help popularize the very silly notion that somehow being a total failure confers upon you some sort of superior moral status. Sure, the frat guys are a bunch of creepy jerks whose initiation practices would fit in at a Halloween party at Robert Mapplethorpe’s loft. But in real life, weirdos, losers, and mutations like the Delta House guys are, well, weirdos, losers, and mutations. Their antics may be amusing, but you just don’t want them trying to hang out with you. Now, the Hollywood elite’s embrace of slobs is no surprise because the deadbeat demographic has become a vital and essential element of the Democratic Party’s electoral coalition. Perhaps putting the lazy and stupid on a pedestal by depicting such doofuses as role models is really a kind of marketing campaign designed to increase their numbers. Combined with the Democrats’ firm commitment to pro-parasite policies, like Obamacare and the expansion of other government handouts to layabouts who refuse to support themselves, maybe what we are seeing is part of a cultural conspiracy of shocking proportions.
1. “All American Soldiers are psychos.” – Platoon (1986)
It’s pretty obvious that the American soldier is the greatest force for evil in all of human history – or it would be, if all you watched were post-Vietnam War Hollywood movies. It seems that to most of the hacks in Hollywood, the mere act of donning an Army uniform turns you into a bloodthirsty killing machine with an appetite for murder. And that’s not just on the battlefield. In American Beauty (1999), the conservative Marine neighbor not only abuses his wife and son but murders people because he’s secretly gay! That’s a liberal stereotype trifecta – they probably think it makes him a prime candidate for King of the Tea Party. Oh, but they support the troops. See, it’s the system that turns these guys into monsters – a meme that lets the Hollywoodoids both trash the guys dumb enough to end up in uniform while at the same time showing how much they care for these pitiful “victims.” So, it’s a win-win…or, more accurately, a libel-libel. Platoon is a prime example of this despicable trend, made all the worse by the fact that Oliver Stone – who makes his first of his several appearances on this list – is a Vietnam vet. This technically well-crafted slice of propaganda portrays American soldiers in Vietnam as near-savages barely able to contain their bloodlust long enough to function as a military unit. What’s sad is that there are such things as war crimes, and soldiers can do wicked things, but Hollywood has zero credibility left to tell those stories. Regardless, Platoon sort of raises a question about Stone himself – either he’s a scumbag for slandering troops by accusing them of crimes he didn’t see them commit, or he’s a scumbag for seeing such crimes and not standing up to stop them. Either way, Stone’s a scumbag.
I've only seen Footloose so I can't say how true or not true any of this is for the rest of the list. As far as Footloose goes, I don't get why they're taking it so seriously. Also, I posted this for the lulz and movie recs.
SOURCE loves to hate on Liberal Hollywood domination