ONTD Political


10:18 am - 11/13/2011
Info posts may contain triggering elements, so please be mindful of the topic and read at your own discretion.

SPECIFIC TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicide, depression, abuse
IMAGE CONTENT: Nothing graphic, just a few stock photos of kids looking lonely

These posts are a "safe space" to ask questions you might otherwise be too shy to. Please do not reply to people with "Plz Google" or "educate yourself". Everyone should enter them with a learn and teach mindset (in that order). WITH THAT SAID, HOWEVER, please remain mindful of your questions and phrasing, be open-minded, learn, and know when to be quiet. If you are flippant with your ignorance, I will not stop angered members from telling you about yourself.

In honor of Bullying Awareness Week (in Canada!)

Bullying is often overshadowed by more dramatic incidents of violence, especially those involving firearms. And bullying is far too often seen as an inevitable part of school-yard culture. But the consequences of bullying are serious. The personal costs of bullying can reverberate throughout the lifespan – affecting not only victims and perpetrators, but their families, friends, and co-workers. The economic costs of bullying are paid by schools, law enforcement agencies, health care providers, and social service agencies.

Fortunately, bullying and its consequences are not inevitable. Schools, community-based organizations, and other agencies can work to prevent bullying and reduce its personal and social costs. This publication was designed to help schools and other agencies take steps toward those goals.

What is bullying?
Bullying is intentional and persistent aggressive behavior. It can include physical violence, teasing and name-calling, and intimidation. Bullying can be related to the harassment of racial and ethnic minorities and gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth. Surveys indicate that 11 percent of American schoolchildren in the sixth through the tenth grades have been bullied, 13 percent have engaged in bullying, and six percent have been both perpetrators and victims of bullying (Nansel, et al.2001).

Who are the victims of and perpetratos of bullying?
Bullies tend to be larger than their peers. They are aggressive, quick to anger, impulsive, lack empathy, and have a need to dominate others. The victims of bullies tend to be cautious, anxious, and have low-self esteem. They are often socially isolated and smaller than their peers (National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, 2003).

What are the consequences of bullying?
Bullying does not have to result in physical injury to cause damage. Victims of bullying report more sleeping difficulties, despondency, headaches, stomach pains, and other health symptoms than other children (Williams, et al. 1996). They may be afraid to go to school, which can affect their academic achievement. Victims also suffer from depression and low self-esteem (Olweus, 1993; Batsche and Knoff, 1994). Children and adolescents who are bullied, as well as those who bully, are at increased risk for depression and suicidal ideation (Riittakerttu, et al. 1999). There is some evidence that bullying may be related to school shooting incidents, such as the one that resulted in the deaths of 12 students and a teacher in Littleton, Colorado. One study concluded that perpetrators of such violence were more than twice as likely to report being bullied (Anderson, et al. 2001).

Educators and mental health practitioners recognize that physical and emotional stressors that interfere with a child’s education and emotional well-being in the middle school years can have life-long consequences. Academic failure during these years often leads to a lack of academic and vocational success in later life. Emotional problems that begin during this important developmental period have a profound impact upon the child – and later the adolescent and adult – and his or her happiness and relationships with family, friends, significant others, and coworkers.

The patterns of behavior exhibited by bullies can also affect their future lives and the lives of those with whom they come into contact. Evidence indicates that bullies do not “outgrow” this behavior but carry it into their adult personal, family, and work relationships. There is also evidence that the patterns of behavior reinforced by bullying can carry over into how bullies raise their own children. Research implies that children who engage in bullying are more likely to come from homes in which parents have an extremely harsh discipline style or are extremely permissive and have little emotional or physical involvement in their children’s lives (Olweus, 1993).

Can bullying be prevented?
Knowledge about how bullying can be prevented has increased dramatically in the last two decades. Research has taught us much about preventing bullying, about treating the victims of bullying, and about stopping children from bullying others. As with other violence prevention efforts, bullying is best addressed by a comprehensive approach involving education, the school environment, and the creation and enforcement of consistent discipline programs.

Evaluation and research evidence demonstrate that bullying prevention programs can be effective. The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (Olweus, 1993) for example, has been identified by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) as being a model program with proven results.

What can schools do?
There is much that can – and should – be done by schools to prevent bullying. Schools should take bullying seriously and demonstrate to students that bullying and other forms of harassment and intimidation will not be tolerated. Schools can do the following:

- Develop and implement safe school policies and plans that specifically address bullying.
- Explicitly include bullying in school discipline codes and enforce these codes fairly and consistently.
- Choose and implement violence prevention and health promotion curricula that include bullying prevention.
- Create a school culture in which students and staff know that bullying is wrong and will not be tolerated and in which students and staff will report bullying to counselors and other staff who will take action. Research demonstrates that levels of bullying are related to the willingness of adults to intervene (Olweus, 1993).
- Provide mental health or counseling services or referrals for both victims and perpetrators of bullying.
- Implement training for teachers, administrators, guidance counselors, and school nurses on how to recognize and respond to bullying.
- Educate parents in the signs of bullying and involve them in bullying prevention activities.

What can mental health professionals do?
Public health and mental health professionals, especially those involved in violence prevention or youth development programs, also have a large role to play in preventing bullying. They can do the following:

- Use opportunities, including wellness exams and other patient visits, to assess children for signs of bullying.
- Partner with schools that implement bullying prevention programs by accepting service referrals for bullying victim or perpetrator referrals.
- Integrate bullying prevention strategies into their program’s youth activities.
- Educate public health workers, educators, parents, law enforcement professionals, and emergency medical technicians about bullying and how to recognize those at risk.
- Partner with schools to implement comprehensive bullying prevention programs.
- Help schools and community-based organizations evaluate their bullying prevention efforts.

Where can I go for more information?
In addition to the National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Violence Prevention, there are a number of other organizations that offer resources and assistance on bullying prevention.

The National Violence Prevention Youth Resource Center offers a number of extremely valuable Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) documents on bullying, as well as guides and links to research and resources on bullying prevention.

The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence at the University of Colorado offers a wealth of resources on bullying and prevention.

The Stop Bullying Now Campaign, sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, offers educational materials for parents, educators, and health professionals.


The Twelve Types of Bullying

The Twelve Types of Bullying
Pressure bullying or unwitting bullying is where the stress of the moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in my definition of workplace bullying.

Organisational bullying is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and other external pressures.

Corporate bullying is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak and jobs are scarce, eg:

- coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or dismissing) anyone who objects
- dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to pay the costs of unfair dismissal at Employment Tribunal (eg £50K maximum, but awards are usually paltry) than risk facing a personal injury claim for stress breakdown (eg £175K as in the John Walker case)
- introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely entitled
- regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations, using the mystery shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees), sending personnel officers or private investigators to an employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc.
- deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and denying the cause of stress (bad management and bullying)
- "encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to fabricate complaints about their colleagues
- employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term contracts; anyone who resists has their life made hell

Institutional bullying is similar to corporate bullying and arises when bullying becomes entrenched and accepted as part of the culture. People are moved, long-existing contracts are replaced with new short-term contracts on less favourable terms with the accompanying threat of "agree to this or else", workloads are increased, work schedules are changed, roles are changed, career progression paths are blocked or terminated, etc - and all of this is without consultation.

Client bullying is where employees are bullied by those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) in an abusive, derogatory and often physically violent manner. Client bullying can also be employees bullying their clients.

Serial bullying is where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying I come across; most of this web site is devoted to describing and defining the serial bully, who exhibits the behavioural characteristics of a socialised psychopath. Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do not recognise this person as a socialised psychopath, or sociopath. I estimate one person in thirty is either a physically-violent psychopath who commits criminal acts, or an antisocial whose behaviour is antisocial, or a sociopath who commits mostly non-arrestable offences. For an in-depth insight into serial bullying, click here.

Secondary bullying is mostly unwitting bullying which people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes everyone's behaviour to decline.

Pair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an affair going on.

Gang bullying is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying climates. If the bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and screamer, and thus easily identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that person will be in the background initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be harder to identify. A common tactic of this type of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what others are alleged to have said about that person - and encourage each person to think they are the only one with the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies.

Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain gratification from the feeling of power and control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the gang are coerced into joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires, one of these coercees will be the scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to vent their anger. The serial bully watches from a safe distance. Serial bullies gain a great deal of gratification from encouraging and watching others engage in conflict, especially those who might otherwise pool negative information about them.
Gang bullying or group bullying is often called mobbing and usually involves scapegoating and victimisation.

Vicarious bullying is where two parties are encouraged to engage in adversarial interaction or conflict. Similar to gang bullying, although the bully may or may not be directly connected with either of the two parties. One party becomes the bully's instrument of harassment and is deceived and manipulated into bullying the other party. An example of vicarious bullying is where the serial bully creates conflict between employer and employee, participating occasionally to stoke the conflict, but rarely taking an active part in the conflict themselves.

Regulation bullying is where a serial bully forces their target to comply with rules, regulations, procedures or laws regardless of their appropriateness, applicability or necessity. Legal bullying - the bringing of a vexatious legal action to control and punish a person - is one of the nastiest forms of bullying.

Residual bullying is the bullying of all kinds that continues after the serial bully has left. Like recruits like and like promotes like, therefore the serial bully bequeaths a dysfunctional environment to those who are left. This can last for years.

Cyber bullying is the misuse of email systems or Internet forums etc for sending aggressive flame mails. Serial bullies have few communication skills (and often none), thus the impersonal nature of email makes it an ideal tool for causing conflict. Sometimes called cyberstalking.

In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets. There are few bystanders, as most people will eventually be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt bullying tactics yourself and thus survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to join in, in which case you are bullied, harassed, victimized and scapegoated until your health is so severely impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a psychiatric injury, not a mental illness - see health page for details on stress, or the PTSD page for details on psychiatric injury), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself unexpectedly selected for redundancy, or are unfairly dismissed.

Hierarchical bullying, peer bullying, upward bullying

The majority of cases of workplace bullying reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and Bully OnLine involve an individual being bullied by their manager, and these account for around 75% of cases. Around a quarter of cases involve bullying and harassment by peers (often with the collusion of a manager either by proactive involvement or by the manager refusing to take action). A small number of cases (around 1-2%) involve the bullying of a manager by a subordinate. Serial bullies like to tap into hierarchical power, but they also generate their own power by simply choosing to bully with impunity and justifying or denying their behaviour with rationalisation, manipulation, deception or lying.

In a case of bullying of a manager by a subordinate, it's my view that as bullying is a form of violence (at the psychological and emotional lever rather than the physical) it's the responsibility of the employer, not the individual manager, to deal with violence at work.


Workplace Bullying
I have written previously on workplace violence; this time, I am going to offer a few thoughts on bullying in the workplace, which a number of experts see as a form of workplace violence. Dr. Gary Namie has described bullying as “psychological violence,” and I think that is a very good description. The article will also touch on cyber-bullying, a new form of bullying that is as current as today’s headlines. (See, also, Pondering the Impact of Workplace Violence.)

You may have read the very recent – and profoundly disturbing – headline about a Missouri woman who was found guilty of misdemeanor crimes in a “MySpace” cyber-bullying case linked to a 13-year-old girl’s suicide. According to prosecutors, the woman conspired with her young daughter and a business associate to create a fictitious profile of a 16-year-old boy on MySpace to harass Megan Meier, apparently in an effort to humiliate Megan for saying mean things about her daughter.

The “boy” sent flirtatious messages to Megan, but then abruptly changed to a very harsh tone, telling her “The world would be a better place without you.” After receiving that message, Megan hanged herself with a belt in her bedroom closet. According to prosecutors, the woman knew that Megan suffered from depression and was emotionally fragile.

A major USA Today article dated November 19, 2008, entitled “Bullying devastates lives,” and chronicled the sad stories of three women who experienced constant bullying in school – one for having red hair, one for being shy, and one for being “different.”

The three women, now ranging in age from 28 to 52, continue to be affected by the bullying that they suffered in school. According to Daniel Nelson, medical director of the Child Psychology Unit at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, “…there’s no question that ‘unrelenting,’ daily hostilities that maybe escalate to threats or actual aggression can be on par with torture…,” or that ” repeated and severe bullying can cause psychological trauma.” Nelson went on to observe that “There’s no question that bullying in certain instances can be absolutely devastating.”

A companion article talked about a high school girl whose epileptic seizures – of all things! – had made her a target in three different schools. She was so traumatized by the tormenting that she dropped out of school and is now pursuing independent study; the young woman “suffers so much that she could not be interviewed” for the article. Sisters Emily and Sarah Buder, appalled by the news, wrote letters to the girl and asked friends to do so as well. They hoped for 50 letters; the current total is 6,500, and counting!

I also ran across a November 7 Reuters article entitled “Bullies may get kick out of seeing others in pain.” In this one, University of Chicago “researchers compared eight boys ages 16 to 18 with aggressive conduct disorder to a group of eight adolescent boys with no unusual signs of aggression.” The article went on to state that, in the “aggressive teens, areas of the brain linked with feeling rewarded…became very active when they observed video clips of pain being inflicted on others. But they showed little activity in an area of the brain involved in self-regulation…as was seen in the control group.”

Researcher Benjamin Lahey noted that “It is entirely possible their brains are lighting in the way they are because they experience seeing pain in others as exciting and fun and pleasurable.” Lahey went on to say that “the differences between the two groups were strong and striking, but cautioned that the study was small and needs to be confirmed by a larger study.”

How does all of this relate to the Federal workplace?

Bullying, whether via the latest technologies or by more traditional means, is a growing problem in American workplaces of all kinds, and I don’t see why Federal agencies would be exceptions.

In fact, I just received an e-mail from a woman who indicated that she has been bullied so severely in her current job, to include being screamed at in anger by managers and treated with no respect by some of her co-workers, that she felt compelled to tell her story to someone. I have received similar comments from other FedSmith.com readers in the past in response to articles I have written that may have touched on the subject, so I know that there are employees in a number of Federal agencies who feel they are being bullied.

I think the following guidance, adapted from Violence in the Workplace Prevention Guide, published in 2001 by the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health & Safety (CCOHS), is worth a look whether you are a Federal manager, supervisor, or non-supervisory employee.

What is workplace bullying?
Bullying is usually seen as acts or verbal comments that could ‘mentally’ hurt or isolate a person in the workplace. Sometimes, bullying can involve negative physical contact as well. Bullying usually involves repeated incidents or a pattern of behavior that is intended to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate a particular person or group of people. It has also been described as the assertion of power through aggression.

What are examples of bullying?
While bullying is a form of aggression, the actions can be both obvious and subtle. It is important to note that the following is not a checklist, nor does it mention all forms of bullying. This list is included as a way of showing some of the ways bullying may happen in a workplace. Also remember that bullying is usually considered to be a pattern of behavior where one or more incidents will help show that bullying is taking place.

Spreading malicious rumors, gossip, or innuendo that is not true
Excluding or isolating someone socially
Intimidating a person
Undermining or deliberately impeding a person’s work
Physically abusing or threatening abuse
Removing areas of responsibilities without cause
Constantly changing work guidelines
Establishing impossible deadlines that will set up the individual to fail
Withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information
Making jokes that are ‘obviously offensive’ by spoken word or e-mail
Intruding on a person’s privacy by pestering, spying or stalking
Assigning unreasonable duties or workload which are unfavorable to one person (in a way that creates unnecessary pressure)
Under work – creating a feeling of uselessness
Yelling or using profanity
Criticizing a person persistently or constantly
Belittling a person’s opinions
Unwarranted (or undeserved) punishment
Blocking applications for training, leave or promotion
Tampering with a person’s personal belongings or work equipment.

It is sometimes hard to know if bullying is happening at the workplace. Many studies acknowledge that there is a “fine line” between strong management and bullying. Comments that are objective and are intended to provide constructive feedback are not usually considered bullying, but rather are intended to assist the employee with their work.

If you are not sure an action or statement could be considered bullying, you can use the “reasonable person” test. Would most people consider the action unacceptable?

How can bullying affect an individual?
People who are the targets of bullying may experience a range of effects. These reactions include:

Feelings of frustration and/or helplessness
Increased sense of vulnerability
Loss of confidence
Physical symptoms such as:
Inability to sleep
Loss of appetite
Psychosomatic symptoms such as:
Stomach pains
Panic or anxiety, especially about going to work
Family tension and stress
Inability to concentrate
Low morale and productivity

How bullying can affect the workplace?
Bullying affects the overall “health” of an organization. An “unhealthy” workplace can have many effects. In general these include:

Increased absenteeism
Increased turnoverv
Increased stress
Increased costs for employee assistance programs (EAPs), recruitment, etc.
Increased risk for accidents / incidents
Decreased productivity and motivation
Decreased morale
Reduced corporate image and customer confidence
Poorer customer service

What can an employer do?
Final Thoughts: I believe that managers and supervisors are morally responsible for ensuring that employees are not bullied in the workplace, but I also think that it makes good business sense.

For example, I can see real potential for people who feel they are being bullied relentlessly to eventually reach their limit and attempt to hurt either themselves or others. I believe that many of the students who have wreaked violence on their schools, such as Harris and Klebold at Columbine High School, or planned to do so, cited being picked on relentlessly as at least one of the motivating factors for their attacks.

While most employees who are bullied are unlikely to strike out at their perceived tormentors – in fact, they are more likely to absorb the bullying without saying anything to anyone – I can’t imagine anyone doing their best work when they are feeling bullied and humiliated and/or are fearful for their safety. Accordingly, I maintain that it is in management’s interest to maintain a respectful work environment and not to tolerate any bullying behavior.

I would advise managers and supervisors to start by examining their own behavior – soliciting feedback from trusted colleagues might be part of the process – to make sure they are not engaging in any bullying of their own, however inadvertent. I would also suggest that they let employees know that bullying, like workplace violence and threats, will not be tolerated, and tell employees who feel they are being bullied to report it to management immediately.


Bullying is Domestic Violence at Work
In so many ways the two phenomena uncannily mirror each other. With bullying and partner violence, the abuser's motive to control and dominate the victim starts the process and determines the nature and extent of the sick, twisted relationship that follows. The perpetrator objectifies the victim. In 98% of domestic violence cases, the perpetrator is the man. In bullying, the majority of abusers, 62%, are male; women are famously perpetrators, too. So, regardless of gender, the bully-abuser dehumanizes her or his prey. She can have such contempt for the target that she refuses to grant even the minimal respect due to a fellow human being. Dehumanization enables the severe mistreatment. When the recipient is not seen as an equal, it is easy to denigrate, belittle and humiliate. The target is a lesser-than object not deserving decent treatment.

The forms of mistreatment that accompany objectification can cause emotional harm. The digs are ad homonym attacks about the person's worthlessness and undeservedness. These assaults result in stress-related health harm, both physical and psychological. Emotional harm outlasts physical injuries that occur in domestic violence cases. The abused spouse is likely to suffer more from emotional damage than from broken bones, which heal relatively quickly. The legacy of emotional torment, the traumatization, can last a lifetime after infliction. With bullying, there is typically no physical violence, only the emotional.

Another overlap between domestic violence and bullying is that friends close to the two key players tend to distance themselves from abusive situations. This gives them cover to plausibly resist getting involved. Doing nothing becomes easier if they are not present when the abuse happens. Closest friends of the abuser tend to justify the actions. "He wouldn't hurt a fly." "When I'm with him, he is a gentle, kind soul." "She's absolutely brilliant and because she doesn't suffer fools gladly, people working for her have to learn to adapt to her style."

Finally, institutions initially duck their responsibility to act. For years, domestic violence cases perplexed police officers called to homes during an abuser's attack. Without the fearful victim agreeing to file charges, nothing could be done. Now that criminal laws are in place, police can apprehend abusers when warranted, regardless of the victim's willingness to go along. Note that it took laws to allow law enforcement to intervene on behalf of injured and abused domestic violence victims. The enactment of laws made the difference.

With respect to workplace bullying, employers -- the institutions that host the abusers -- loathe holding bullies accountable. A former director of a federal agency (Minerals Management Services) refused to terminate a bully division chief, as we had recommended. He said, "No, I won't do it because he is a great conversationalist and a lunch buddy." Well there you have it. No need to act, he wouldn't harm a fly. The evidence spoke otherwise. All employees in that division were stressed. There were multiple heart attacks, strokes and other cardiovascular complications from working for the bully. But friendship with the executive trumped all reason.

Years later, in 2010, when the BP oil platform exploded in the Gulf of Mexico killing 11 workers and poisoning the environment, MMS made news. They were the agency whose employees had committed serious ethical violations. MMS was corrupt. Its culture was corrupt when it allowed the bullying to damage so many lives for glib reasons stated by the inept director.

Will laws be required to compel employers to stop abusers on the payroll? After all it took laws to disrupt domestic violence.

Read more about workplace bullying and domestic violence at the source.

Crucial Conversation Strategy: How to talk to a bully

The difference between workplace bullying and disrespectful behavior

How To Have a Classy Crucial Conversation that Counts:

Classy: Respectful, win-win, seeking the best for all.
Crucial: A needed conversation to move an issue forward for what’s “best” for the company
Conversation: A dialogue where both people are engaged and exchanging ideas and information.
Counts: Be sure that the conversation ends with a resolution or shared agreement.

Keys for a Classy Crucial Conversation:

In order to have more control, the target should decide when the conversation will take place. Do not react to when the Bully attacks you; decide when you are ready to converse in order to get the best outcome.
As a target, the Bully is hoping you do not have the strength to stand up for yourself. They feel better when you are down.
By having a classy crucial conversation you will be starting to set stronger boundaries, which will protect you and help to avoid future conflicts.

How to Proceed:

Define clearly what the situation is – something you wished was different e.g. a behavior, or a circumstance.
What would you like to see happen instead of the stated situation above?
Use the Classy Crucial Conversation Planner to assist you.

Using the Classy Crucial Conversation Planner:

1. Start with a Classy Statement to show your good will as opposed to a demand.

Example: “My desire is to have a win win and to support you and our customers as best as I can”.

2. Add another Classy Statement in the form of a question:

“Can I share something with you?” (the invitation).

3. The conversation:

“When (this) happens…” (share your issue/situation/what happened in your perception):
For example: “When you believe the customer over me…”

“I feel/think…” (how it affects you personally):
“I feel invalidated and hurt.”

“What I would like is…” (your expectation): Just be clear and say it…
“What I would like is for you to consider my view of what happened and also believe me as to the fact that it did happen.”

Then ask: “Can you do this?” Yes or No.
• If yes – confirm agreement: “Just so I’m clear, our agreement is….”
• If later the agreement is broken: “I thought our agreement was…”
• If no – Ask “Why?” . You may need more information (i.e.) maybe they have a good reason or a different understanding.


First Evaluation of LGBT Educator Training Program

The secondary school training component of the New York City Department of Education's Respect for All initiative increased staff competency at addressing name-calling, bullying and harassment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, and creating safer school environments for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students, a GLSEN report has found.

More than 9 in 10 educators (92.2%) said the training had caused them to do something differently in their educational practices.

"We are extremely encouraged by the findings," GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said. "Our report indicates that an in-depth training program specifically focused on ensuring LGBT student safety can successfully prepare school staff for their role in maintaining a welcoming and safe environment for all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression."

The report is based on a GLSEN study evaluating the effectiveness of educator trainings that focus on reducing anti-LGBT bias and behavior in school- the first evaluation of its kind. GLSEN surveyed 813 educators at three times - before the training, six weeks after and six months after, and educators were also compared to those who had not completed the training.

The report focused on the effects of the training on educators' knowledge, awareness, beliefs and behaviors. Six weeks after the trainings participants had increased:

Knowledge of appropriate terms
Access to LGBT-related resources
Empathy for LGBT students
Communication with students and staff about LGBT issues
Engagement in activities to create safer schools for LGBT students (i.e., supporting Gay-Straight Alliances, including LGBT content in curriculum)
Awareness of how their own practices might have been harmful to LGBT students
Belief in the importance of intervening in anti-LGBT remarks
Frequency of intervention in anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying, and harassment

All but two of the above areas - empathy for LGBT students and frequency of intervention - maintained a statistically significant increase six months after the training. These findings suggest that a single training experience may not be sufficient to sustain long-term change in terms of empathy or intervention. Providing additional support and incorporating opportunities for skill-building may be crucial for longer-term changes in these areas. .

"We are grateful to the New York City Department of Education for investing in one of the most extensive educator training programs in the country," Byard said. "This report also shows, however, that additional efforts to develop skills may be necessary to sustain higher staff intervention levels and give educators tools to feel more comfortable addressing anti-LGBT bias and behavior in the classroom."

GLSEN also garnered qualitative feedback from participants about how the training affected them. Participants not only valued the training themselves - some even saying it was one of the best trainings they had experienced - but many advocated for all school staff to receive this training.

"Great training," said one middle school counselor/social worker. "It should be mandatory for teachers, administrators and anyone who comes in contact with children in the schools."

The training program, which was one component of the Respect for All initiative, was implemented by the New York City Department of Education (DOE) to ensure that every secondary school had at least one staff member who could support LGBT students and combat all forms of bias-based bullying and harassment, particularly bias based on sexual orientation or gender identity/gender expression.

"Promoting respect for diversity is central to the Department's mission to ensure that schools provide safe and respectful learning environments for all students," said Deputy Chancellor for Infrastructure and Planning Kathleen Grimm. "Over the past few years, we, in collaboration with partners such as GLSEN, have taken strong steps to reduce bullying and harassment in our schools."

The DOE collaborated with five nonprofit organizations to develop and deliver the Respect for All training program - GLSEN, the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility, Operation Respect, and Youth Enrichment Services (YES) of the New York City LGBT Community Center. GLSEN was a lead content provider for the training curriculum, and the training was delivered by trainers from all five organizations.

GLSEN is currently in the process of evaluating the second year of the training program.


Bullying and Suicide
Bullying is recognized as a major public health problem in the Western world, and it appears to have devastating consequences. Cyberbullying has become an increasing public concern in light of recent cases associated with youth suicides that have been reported in the mass media.

Most of the studies that have examined the association between bullying and suicidality have been cross-sectional. Those studies show that bullying behavior in youth is associated with depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. These associations have been found in elementary school, middle school, and high school students. Moreover, victims of bullying consistently exhibit more depressive symptoms than nonvictims; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than nonvictims.

The results pertaining to bullies are less consistent. Some studies show an association with depression, while others do not. The prevalence of suicidal ideation is higher in bullies than in persons not involved in bullying behavior. Studies among middle school and high school students show an increased risk of suicidal behavior among bullies and victims. Both perpetrators and victims are at the highest risk for suicidal ideation and behavior.

Suicide Risk By Sex
Cross-sectional studies of the differential impact of school bullying by sex on the risk of depression and suicidal ideation have shown significant associations, but the results are not consistent. Some researchers have found stronger associations among girls.

Dr Klomek is adjunct senior lecturer at the School of Psychology, Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya, Israel; a scientist at the Feinberg Child Study Center, Schneider Children’s Medical Center of Israel; and an adjunct associate research scientist in the division of child and adolescent psychiatry at Columbia University in New York. Dr Sourander is professor of child psychiatry at Turku University Hospital in Finland. Dr Gould is professor in the department of epidemiology of the division of child psychiatry at Columbia University and a research scientist at the New York State Psychiatric Institute in New York. The authors report no conflicts of interest concerning the subject matter of this article.

Bullying is recognized as a major public health problem in the Western world, and it appears to have devastating consequences. Cyberbullying has become an increasing public concern in light of recent cases associated with youth suicides that have been reported in the mass media.

Most of the studies that have examined the association between bullying and suicidality have been cross-sectional. Those studies show that bullying behavior in youth is associated with depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. These associations have been found in elementary school, middle school, and high school students. Moreover, victims of bullying consistently exhibit more depressive symptoms than nonvictims; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than nonvictims.

The results pertaining to bullies are less consistent. Some studies show an association with depression, while others do not. The prevalence of suicidal ideation is higher in bullies than in persons not involved in bullying behavior. Studies among middle school and high school students show an increased risk of suicidal behavior among bullies and victims. Both perpetrators and victims are at the highest risk for suicidal ideation and behavior.

Suicide risk by sex

Cross-sectional studies of the differential impact of school bullying by sex on the risk of depression and suicidal ideation have shown significant associations, but the results are not consistent. Some researchers have found stronger associations among girls.

Kim and colleagues reported that girls who were involved with school bullying (as either victim or perpetrator) were at significantly greater risk for suicidal ideation. Roland found that girls who were bullies had more suicidal thoughts. Van der Wal and colleagues found a strong association between being bullied and depression and suicidal ideation in girls, and Luukkonen and colleagues found that being bullied and bullying others are both potential risk factors for suicidal behavior in girls.

On the other hand, Rigby and Slee found that the association between being a bully and suicidal ideation applied only to boys. McMahon and colleagues recently reported that boys who had been bullied at school were more depressed and had a higher risk of thoughts about harming themselves and self-harming behavior than boys who had not been bullied. Kaltiala-Heino and colleagues reported that among girls, severe suicidal ideation was associated with frequently being bullied or being a bully and for boys it was associated with being a bully. No association was found between boys and girls for depressive symptoms.

Our earlier work tried to explain the differences in the risks of depression and suicidality between girls and boys; we suggested that there is a difference in the threshold for depression and suicide between the sexes. Girls who bullied others were at risk for depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts even when the bullying was infrequent. However, only frequent bullying was associated with depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts among boys.

There may be a different sex threshold in victimization as well. Among girls, victimization at any frequency increased the risk of depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. On the other hand, only frequent victimization increased the risk of depression and suicidal ideation in boys, although infrequent victimization was associated with an increased risk of suicide attempts.

Only a few longitudinal studies of bullying behavior and later depression or suicidal ideation and behavior have been published. These studies provide evidence that bullying behaviors constitute more than mere correlates of depression and suicidality. A study of Norwegian youth reported that children who were being seriously bullied at age 11 years suffered from bouts of depression as young adults. In a study of young adolescents in Australia, victimization in the 8th grade was associated with onset of symptoms of depression the following year. However, follow-up work done in Finland on children involved in bullying in the 8th grade showed that when psychiatric symptoms were taken into account, involvement in bullying did not independently increase the likelihood of depressive symptoms at age 15.

Similar results were seen in a 2-year follow-up of peer victimization among Australian students in their first 2 years of high school. Victimization at study baseline was not predictive of psychiatric health as measured by the General Health Questionnaire (GHQ) after baseline health status was taken into account.

Additional longitudinal studies have predicted psychiatric problems from bullying behavior; however, these do not provide information on the suicidal outcome of bullying behavior. Kim and colleagues studied the impact of bullying on later suicidal/self-injurious behaviors and ideation among a sample of 1655 Korean students from grades 7 and 8. Girls who were perpetrators and boys with later-onset bullying behaviors were at increased risk for suicidal/self-injurious behaviors and ideation 10 months later, even after controlling for other suicide risk factors, such as anxiety and depression.

Contradictory results were seen in studies that examined the association between childhood bullying behavior and later depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and completed suicide.17,18 Among a large cohort of Finnish boys born in 1981, bullying behavior at age 8 years was associated with severe depression 10 years later, even when controlling for childhood depression. However, bullying behavior at age 8 years was not associated with suicidal ideation 10 years later when controlling for childhood depression.

Read more at the Psychiatric Times

Bullying Prevention Resource Guide
PACER Center's Kid's Guide to Bullying - focus on children with disabilities
A Teacher's Guide to Bullying Prevention

Bullying.org's purpose is to prevent bullying in our society through education and awareness. We provide educational programs and resources to individuals, families, educational institutions and organizations. We make available online learning and educational resources in order to help people deal effectively and positively with the act of bullying and its long-lasting negative consequences.

Bullying Awareness Week
The idea for a Bullying Awareness Week began with Canadian father and educator Bill Belsey. Not not long after he launched the educational Web site www.bullying.org on February 16, 2000, he was often asked to make presentations about bullying to media and in schools and communities across Canada and around the world. Through the Web site and his travels, he quickly realized that bullying was an issue that touches all people, directly or indirectly, regardless of their age, gender, culture, religion or nationality. (read more at the site)

Bullying UK
Resources for schools and teachers - NSPCC (UK)

Help & Support
Cyberbully Help
Daily Strength - Support group
Helping Kids Deal With Bullies
LGBT Youth Line
LGBTQ Online High School
Matthew's Place
Resources on Bullying and Cyberbullying - NYTimes
National Crime Prevention Council
The Trevor Project
Welcoming Schools

Suicide & Mental Health
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Crisis Links
National Mental Health Association
Help Starts Here - Resource links
Samaritans - Hong Kong
Samaritans - United Kingdom
SAVE - Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
Suicide Hotlines
Suicide Prevention Resource Center

Additional Links
Anti-Bullying - focus on homophobia
Bully Free Alberta
Bully Free At Work
GLSEN - Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network
National Association of School Psychologists - Dialogs on bullying/homophobia
PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Stomp Out Bullying
Workplace Bullying Institute

PDF Files
Addressing Research Gaps in the Intersection Between Homophobia and Bullying
Homophobic Teasing, Psychological Outcomes, and Sexual Orientation Among High School Students: What Influence Do Parents and Schools Have

Please post additional threads and links in official threads posted in the comments for easier access to other members. What's especially needed are foreign language links and resources outside of the United States, however, any link can be helpful to someone so don't be afraid to post links and resources that pertain to the US.
lickety_split INTERNATIONAL RESOURCE THREAD13th-Nov-2011 06:20 pm (UTC)
If you have any foreign language/international resource links, please post them here.

Message: Please provide legitimate links along with a brief description. Do not post trollish links in this thread or I will come at you.
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